You can tell whether a person is selfish or not by how they handle guilt. A selfish person will either blame whomever they harmed for eliciting unpleasant feelings (even though they were the one who created the guilt by way of their own actions), or they will seek out a way to remove the sense of guilt, rather than try to fix the action. This often comes in the form of justifying their behavior, if not blatantly blaming the victim. A non-selfish person, however, will allow themselves to process the guilt, but use it to learn from their misdeed and attempt to make amends. This doesnt mean beating yourself up; it means acknowledging you were wrong and then setting out to repair the damage--or at least not repeat it. (Intentional wallowing can too often turn to self pity, which can become another egocentric habit. Its selfish if the guilt is only about yourself and hating how *you* feel.) Anyone can slip into these negative behaviors occasionally, and that doesnt define you as selfish. You can do a selfish thing without being a selfish person. What matters is making an effort to not allow it to develop into a pattern, because thats when it takes up residence in your personality.
Posted on: Sun, 28 Sep 2014 00:39:43 +0000
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