You dont look like you have cancer. (Ahhh ha! There it is.) I dont look like I have cancer. Such was the greeting, of sorts, from a young lady I had not seen in a number of months. Ill chalk up her lack of decorum to her minimal exposure to people who understand a small amount of idle chit chat is the norm before launching into such a major topic of discussion. What am I supposed to look like? That, my first thought, I kept to myself. Thank you isnt quite the response I was seeking from my brain. I went with, Yeah, Stage 4 and Im still pretty cute. Work with me here, all right? My acquaintance said she had heard from a mutual friend I had cancer. Her what kind do you have? follow up question was met with, thats a personal matter. She tried a few more times to glean the information, but I remained tight-lipped. As I tuned out a majority of the balance of the conversation, it dawned on me the reason Im having an issue with going bald. Right now, my physical appearance is indicative of nothing bad. I still look pale most days and Ive got a bad chest cold so Im coughing quite a bit. Im having an issue with my impending baldness because a lot of people I know dont know I have cancer. They will know once I go bald. Ohh sure, I could say my chrome dome is a due to alopecia. But most people are clueless regarding the meaning of that word, and lets not even touch on its spelling. I am quite the private person. There are many things 95% of the people I know are unaware of about me. I decide when you get to know more. cancer and baldness are different. Its a visual thing. You know something is really wrong with me physically and the first assumption, and the correct one, is I have cancer. I dont want anyone to feel sorry for me, nor do I want those looks of pity. I am best and most effective when Im in charge. With my cancer, I am not in control. I dont like it but cant change it. For now. To my young acquaintance, thank you for todays conversation. And thank you for unknowingly helping me find my way.
Posted on: Wed, 21 Jan 2015 00:56:27 +0000
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