You know not many people would believe the life Ive lived of the past 11 months, the unbelievable mountain of things that have taken place or happened to me. They are still hard for me to imagine. Im the one whos lived it and I still have a difficult time believing that its real. It seems like every time I start to get one thing under control or dealt with 5 more come in its place , its been this way for months now everytime I turn around theres something new that I have to handle or deal with or survive and its been the hardest year of my life. Ive done the best I can to deal with it to handle it I try not to complain or whine but Ive been accused of only looking for sympathy. The reality of the situation is its extremely difficult to find someone that I can talk to and anybody that knows me knows thats how I process things so when I have reached my limit and Im maxed out absolutely need to talk it out Ive been known to post on Facebook. I really didnt worry about judgement I assumed that the people that I consider friends and family would care enough to understand and that maybe I would find some support there when I couldnt find it anywhere else. But after being accused of not only creating things that were taking place on my own that they were not actually real, when they in fact actually are or were and being told I was only looking for sympathy. I stopped posting and in effect stopped talking. Basically I had come to feel like there was no point problems are mine which is true and Im handling them as best I can and nobody really cares anyway. So, Here I am posting something very blank and generic for what purpose I dont know just one more thing dropped in my lap that Im trying to work out so here I provide no information and no details , I guess Im just sending this out into the void. Im not asking for anybodys comments or support Im not even asking for anybody to care because this isnt about any of you and what you think its about me how I feel and what I need. Im not trying to be selfish or cruel just trying to look out for me. My decision has been made and Im not asking for opinions or questions when the time comes it will be clear. But to those of you who have been judgemental or critical of me maybe you should reconsider your thought process your judgment can really hurt somebody who maybe is already hurting and doesnt need your crap piled on them I know I didnt. It was just one more thing I had to deal with when I was already dealing with so much and more everyday. Maybe you should be just a little bit more thoughtful before you open your mouth because believe it or not your words do damage and no one but you is responsible for it. And to you I say Im sorry because I dont have the talent to smile and pretend everything is okay when it feels like the world is caving in on me but you know what, Im human I have a heart and soul and they come with feelings and when Im hurting or in pain I should not have to pretend for you no one should. It is important for me to let you know those of you who have been at my side and been there for me when you could mean the world to me and I appreciate you very much and I love you please know this is not about you and Im not worried because you know who you are and thank you.
Posted on: Tue, 11 Nov 2014 23:39:38 +0000
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