You know that feeling you have when something is your fault.? Or that feeling that you could have stopped something from happening or done a better job That feeling is guilt and is a pretty strong emotion. It is overpowering especially to a child. Earlier Braeton and my niece Chloe were outside playing when our neighbors boy came over, he has just turned 5 I think. Anyway they were playing when I heard him tell Braeton Well we cant race or YOU cant race because you arent fast. I can race because Im fast. Typical kid talk right? Well as Braetons Mom I knew what was probably coming so my Dr. Spock ears went up and I braced myself to step in. Sure enough here it came.... You cant run fast. You cant even run cause you walk slow and you walk really funny. You cant even walk right so you cant race with us. My precious niece Chloe is 7 and her mouth was wide open and her eyes huge. Talk about speechless. Now Braeton has had to do serious work on his attitude and temper so by now I really expected him to go ballistic. No Im not exagerating. Its about this time my angelic son drops his halo and sprouts horns... O.k. that is not literal but you get the idea. Everyone who has a child with any type of sensory disorder or ASD knows exactly what Im talking about. Anyway I digress... Braeton has by now climbed up the step and is by the back door breathing very deeply and loudly and then under his breath he is repeating Just Breathe Braeton, control your anger, Just breathe.... Lol Now I can laugh but I wasnt laughing then. I wanted to go pick up that litlle boy, shake him until his teeth rattled and scream How Dare you say that to my son!!! Cant you see he tries so hard? Dont you KNOW what a miracle it is that he can even walk?? And besides you talk funny and look funny and... whatever else I could think up to say! But no I didnt of course not. Evidently the little boy didnt know. Instead I had Braeton go inside. I explained to the boy that Braeton was born with Drs saying he would never walk so while it might not look right to him Braeton could walk or run if he wanted to and that we did not say mean things to each other.etc.... We went inside. The boy went home and Chloe came up to me and said Aunt LeeLee I did not know what to do. I couldnt believe it!!! I feel so bad like it is my fault or something. I feel that bad! I knew what she meant. She felt as bad as she did when she felt guilt. Frankly I didnt feel bad. Not even for wanting to shake a little boy. I was mad. But thankfully I had enough of Jesus in me to not let the old man inside come out! Whew talk about raw knees tonight! Ive got lots of praying to do. Chloe told me You know Aunt Leah, him and me are close. We are cousins and we are close like brother and sister and when that boy hurt him, he hurt my feelings too and I dont like to see him (Braeton) hurt! Him and me we are CLOSE!!! We discussed the situation, all 3 of us and I told Braeton God has made us all different and though he may not be the fastest well If the Lord had allowed him to run fast with the way his brain works the world just might not could handle that! So now hes happy with his computer brain as he calls it! Ahhh so thankful to have a God who gently reminds me we are human, to have patience and to control that mother bear instinct that wants to destroy everything in my path when it comes to protecting my kids! But yes my heart hurt very bad. As bad as it does when Im guilty. So Chloe I understand and I am so thankful Braeton has a cousin like you!
Posted on: Sat, 25 Jan 2014 22:42:23 +0000
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