You may be married to a Filipina If... * Your refrigerator is always full but you cannot find any food that you recognize * Instead of a dowry, you got the whole bill for the wedding and honeymoon * You are expected to be able to read her mind just by watching her eyebrows move up and down and by the way her lips are pointed * The instant you are married you have 3,000 new close relatives that you cant tell apart * Your house isnt really on fire, youve just got a very charred fish on top of the stove burner * All the desserts are sticky and all the snacks are salty * She eats her fruit with giant salt crystals and her fried chicken with ketchup * Even the ketchup tastes weird...very weird * You throw a party and everyone is fighting to chop the leathery skin off a dead pig * You are trying to go to sleep and she keeps asking for the comFORTr, and you aint got a clue what shes talking about * Your phone bills are composed mostly of international and calls that average 3 hours each * She sweeps with something that witches usually fly around on * The rice cooker is on 24 hours a day and uses up 50% of your electricity and food budget * On your first trip to the Philippines, you have 18 giant boxes that weigh 1000 pounds each and your carry on luggage requires a small forklift truck * The same luggage is over filled with things that cost an average of 15 cents each like old magazines and M&Ms -- the worst part is when you get off the plane, the same stuff youve been hauling around half way around the world is available in every store in the airport for half the price! * The first time shes pregnant you have to go out at 4:00 in the morning looking for some weird type of greasy sausages, green mangoes and bagoong * You buy a new $500 freezer so she can store 200 pounds of SPAM and CORNED BEEF that was on sale * Everything in your house was bought on sale, even if you dont need it ... that it was a bargain is all that matters * The only white meat she likes is YOU. And thats if youre lucky... * You were married 5 years before she explained to you that ARAY! doesnt mean ooh, baby! * She can eat and talk at the same time; in fact thats her specialty! * You still dont know the difference between manong and manok * She and the kids are always saying Daddy made utot and you still dont know what it means, but they think its pretty funny * Before every holiday and visit, her sisters fax you a 10 page bilins list which says suggestion only * All the vegetables she buys at the Filipino store look like they were grown at Chernobyl * Her home economics course only taught shopping, eating and siesta; cooking, cleaning and sewing were not electives * You are the only family in a 200 mile radius with 2 Betamaxes, 3 televisions * She cleans her closet by throwing all the crap into your closet
Posted on: Mon, 06 Oct 2014 10:17:41 +0000
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