You might be in an abusive relationship if.... you feel you have to get his permission to have your mother make you embroidered potholders you react with dread and fear instead of gratitude when he starts a load of laundry, knowing the tirade that will follow because you hadnt done it yet he feels he has a right to punish you as if you were a child if you get in arguments you fear making decisions because he might think you did something wrong you often fear his anger, even though he claims he doesnt want to argue you feel like you no longer have a voice in decisions he buys a car you cant even drive with your shared financial resources, and you feel you have to agree with the purchase so he wont be angry after buying the car you cant drive, he then buys himself a new computer on your credit card. His great idea for paying all this off, including the car downpayment he put on the credit card = you are supposed to go back to work to pay for his new toys and you dont get a say, even though youd both previously agreed to your being a stay at home mom and youd been out of the workforce for years. when you cry at night keeping him awake, because hes treated you so terribly and you are so afraid, he pulls the victim blaming move of saying you are torturing him you know this relationship violates all of your ideals for how you as a woman should be treated and you do not have the equality you feel you deserve, yet you are too terrified to leave he ever throws anything at you, punches through a wall, or engages in any other threat display he has two faces - one to you, and the seemingly kind and harmless face he shows in public he puts you on an allowance all of your concerns about the relationship are treated as unimportant. In fact he may even openly belittle your concerns by calling them the laundry list theres always an excuse why any inappropriate thing he does is your fault. Even when he is physically violent, theres an excuse that implies you somehow deserved it. This is what my relationship with the abuser looked like. I remember going to websites about domestic violence many years ago, because I thought he might be abusing me. But because the specific incidents that he did to me didnt fit the criteria of an abuser that I saw described, I didnt put two and two together at the time. I didnt understand then how it was more about the overall pattern of power, fear, and control, and about not having a voice.
Posted on: Fri, 29 Nov 2013 17:35:29 +0000
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