You would think it would get easier but its not. Tonight Im sitting her with tears and trying to understand it all. It hurts unbelievably bad. I try to distract myself by doing things like crafts or being around people or whatever I can but its just a temporary distraction. Feels like Im trying to fool myself with false hope. Im so angry that I have this pain to deal with for the rest of my life. I booked flights home today for me and the kids. Last year we were both down there and when I would pick up or drop off the boys you looked so happy. Ill never get to see that again. Every special day or holiday is now just sadness for what we all lost, what we will never have again. Im mad the joy has been taken from my life. Im mad my kids have to see it and feel it too. Everyone is moving on and Im still stuck on Easter evening, a day that was supposed to be happy and now forever a horrible memory. How am I supposed to make those days special for the kids again? Where do I find the strength? Nothing about this is right or ever will be. Im not a strong person and Im a very emotional one. This has ripped my heart out. I feel like I died that night too and this is what I feel everyday now, every minute, it invades my sleep....this is now my life and I hate it.
Posted on: Sun, 29 Jun 2014 02:22:25 +0000
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