Youre probably a practicing rockhound if three or more of these signs apply to you... If ten or more apply you are advised to seek professional help immediately! -The sign on the side of the road says Falling Rock and you pull over to wait. -The severe sunburn acquired on your last vacation was a one inch wide strip of skin at the gap between the tail of your shirt and the top of your pants. -When you lick a dirty rock to show off the wonderful colors, without stopping to realize that you are the only rockhound in the group. -Watching the movie Armageddon while New York is being destroyed, all you can think about is all the great specimens there would be if that really happened. -Your kids bring you a pretty stone theyve found, and you contrive to steal it. And you know youve done it. Dont lie. -You are convinced that buried deep in some secret government archive is a document that will conclusively prove that the entire US Apollo space program was conceived and developed for the sole purpose of getting a moon rock for a certain Presidential rock collection... The truth is out there! -You care more about what happened to the diamond in the move Titanic than the people. -You sob uncontrollably watching How the West was Won at the part where the farmers are clearing rocks and casting them off. -You bring a catchers mitt and a hand lens to a rock fight. -Your son hits his hand with your rock hammer, your wife screams it broken, and you reply its a fracture, it has good cleavage, and has produced some unusual streaks in your sons underwear. -Youve been found guilty of trespassing on BLM land. The judge sentences you to 10 years hard labor breaking rocks. You fall to your knees and beg him, Please, your honor, let it be in Franklin, New Jersey! -Your spouse asks how the soup tastes and you reply, variable color, greasy surface, low specific gravity, texture smooth with bits of ductile material. -When you lick a dirty rock to show off the wonderful colors, without stopping to realize that you are the only rockhound in the group. -Someone talks about cleavage and you dont think about women. -The USGS calls to tell you theyve discovered a gravitational anomaly centered on your house and to ask if you might know the reason why. -Your family puts the birthday candles on a slab of amethyst instead of cake. -A truck throws a rock into your windshield and you examine the rock first. -Considering the purchase of a spectacular specimen at a mineral show, you wonder if all three of your kids really need to attend college. -You can pronounce the word molybdenite correctly on the first try. -You think the primary function of road cuts is tourist attractions. -You own more pieces of quartz than underwear. -You associate the word hard with a value on the Mhos scale instead of work. -The rockpile in your garage is taller than you are. -You have a strong opinion as to whether pieces of concrete are properly called rocks. -The local universitys geology department requests permission to hold field trips in your back yard. -You associate the name Franklin with New Jersey instead of Ben. -Theres amethyst in your aquarium. -Your wife has ever had to ask you to move flats of rocks out of the tub so she could take a bath. -Your spelling checker has a vocabulary that includes the words polymorph and pseudomorph. -Your children are named Rocky, Jewel, and Beryl. -You were the only member of the group who spent their time looking at cathedral walls through a pocket magnifier during your trip to Europe. -They wont give you time off from work to attend the Tucson Gem and Mineral Show and you go anyway. -You begin fussing because the light strips you installed on your bookshelves arent full spectrum. -Youve ever purchased an individual, unfaceted rock, regardless of the price. -Youve ever spent more than ten dollars for a book about rocks. -You shouted Obsidian! to a theater full of movie-goers while watching The Shawshank Redemption. -The polished slab on your bola tie is six inches in diameter. -You find yourself compelled to examine individual rocks in driveway gravel. -The USGS identifies your collection as a major contributing factor to isostasy in your state. -You know the location of every rock shop within a 100 mile radius of your home. -When they havent seen you for a week, the shop owners send you get well cards. -Youre retired and still thinking of adding another room to your house. -Your idea of a quiet, romantic evening at home involves blue mineral tack and thumbnail boxes. -Youre planning on using a pick and shovel while youre on vacation. -You can point out where Tsumeb is on a world globe. -You think Franklin, New Jersey might be a cool place to go on a vacation. -You associate the word saw with diamonds instead of wood. -You begin wondering what a complete set of the Mineralogical Record is worth. -When you find out, you actually consider paying it. -Youve fabricated a backpack for your dog. -Youve installed more than one mineralogical database program on your computer. -The baggage handlers at the airport know you by name and refuse to help with your luggage. -You receive a letter from the county informing you a landfill permit is required to put anymore rocks on your property. -Your Internet home page has pictures of your rocks. -Theres a copy of Danas Manual next to your toilet. -You still think pet rocks are a pretty neat idea. -You get excited when you discover a hardware store that stocks 16 pound sledge hammers and 5 foot long pry bars. -You debate for months on the Internet concerning the relative advantages and drawbacks of vibratory verses drum tumblers. -Your employer has asked you not to bring any more rocks to the office until they have time to reinforce the floor. -You decide not to get married because youd rather keep the rock.
Posted on: Wed, 26 Mar 2014 14:07:27 +0000
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