as Im sitting here going over the week, theres some thoughts ruminating in my head around a certain situation that took place this week and, what had escalated as a result... My heart feels heavy and there is some sadness. I received a beautiful heartfelt, yet mysterious message from someone. Even though I couldnt recognize the number, in my heart, one person in particular really resonated... In my heart, I was hoping I had reconciled with a particular person, but if someone doesnt ever reveal who they are, your just left in the dark and all you can do is assume and guess? The interaction was a very nice and personable one until.. someone had informed me that random pranks are going around pretending to be an admirer, old friend or whatever else, and apparently these people do it to deliberately screw with others? So I looked online to see if it was true and sure enough, I saw online advertisements about it. In fact I believe I had a posted a post about it here on on fb to warn others of it. And when I learned of this, I had a MAJOR reaction!! My friend was nonchalant in the way they delivered this message, I wasnt prepared for that at all. It shattered a great illusion. The whole thing was only a big lie and I was being played upon and I was dumb enough to believe it.... Why am I so stupid sometimes? Anyway, it was shattering, and I felt so stupid on top of that which is the absolute worst!! Instead of just asking or calling the person, I went off and cursed them out and it was an ugly spat and I blocked the number. Anyway, all this anger came out around the situation and I was out of control which Im not feeling good about. Granted I had my reasons I guess. Some may even say that I was totally justified. I guess Ill never really know who that person was and perhaps now it shouldnt matter anymore. But I admit that I do wonder if it truly was a prank, just because one of my friends was so certain that it was doesnt mean that it was. Yes if this person wanted to reach out and mend some things, there were certainly better methods and ways to go about it. At least I would think so? But arent I always the one saying that no ones perfect? Do I always do the correct thing in every situation? Sometimes I screw up pretty bad!! When I feel threatened in some way, I can get mean to the point of being irreparable which Im not proud of, especially in situations where it wasnt really necessary. Im always grateful when someone could look past it and still able to see the REAL me underneath it all thus forgive me when Ive been wrong or made mistakes. Unless a person has malicious intent, I should give others the same kind of grace Id want to have if the tables were turned and instead look at the innocence and the humanity in them, especially if they didnt mean any harm. Instead of going off on this person because I blindly believed someone elses assumption of the situation without really knowing the full story, and yes, my friend truly had my best interest at heart however, I also didnt have to fly off the handle. I should have at least gave someone the chance to express what and who they are and why they felt the need to reach out. Anyway, it was a bit complex which left me feeling disoriented?? I felt hurt by this particular person, but even if I was hurt, even if my feelings are completely justified!!! I know that I need to still learn to control my own emotional reactions around it. My behavior made me wrong no matter who did or didnt do what! I just hope that for now on, I can learn to be better about taming my behavior and reactions in even hurtful situations! Emotions are emotions, and I believe that our emotions are NEVER EVER wrong!! But the behavior around the emotions are an art to master...
Posted on: Mon, 12 Jan 2015 06:27:24 +0000
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