fan q~ I posted something similar to this quite some time ago but I feel a need to address it again. My child is five and has been having contact with dads side of the birth family since a year old when the adoption was final. (This was a FC adoption) No one in the extended birth family wanted him. They are all well off and would have been more than capable of raising him, but chose not to for whatever reason. I established contact post adoption and initially, Grandma seemed very interested in having a role. She has other Grandkids as well. We differ in our world views (politics, religion, parenting style, flexibility etc.) I have never felt welcomed by the family although there were visits with me present. Now that my child is getting older, I feel like Grandma is trying to exclude me from the visits. My child is more comfortable going places without me. Its not a matter of trust. I know he is safe with them. If I felt like they accepted me regardless and also spent time with us together , I would be ok with it. It almost seems like it is being treated like visitation time. This is not a divorce. I would much prefer that we be more like extended family. Im starting to get irritated yet I dont want to alienate them. If I address my feelings with Grandma and she stops visiting my son, it will be him who suffers. If I go along with how things are going now, I can only see things continuing like this into the future. Im not sure Im ready for him to have an independent relationship with his birth family. How do I explain to them that we are a package deal at last for the foreseeable future. I mean I guess the question is, what if your childs birth family wants a relationship with your child but not you? I dont take it personally but I want to make sure that I know what kind of influence they are having in my absence. In five years, we have been invited to Grandmas once. She has been to our house about four times a year. Even more in the beginning. Now she is inviting my son to visit, go places etc. She will pick him up and bring him home. Need feedback.
Posted on: Mon, 17 Mar 2014 15:45:29 +0000
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