for those who asked, Lura’s grown up $20 cheese plate: First, let’s be realistic: we aren’t feeding 100 ravenous teenagers for $20. That’s a different skill that I don’t have, and would love to learn from you. This cheese plate is quality over quantity: nibbley delishousness for four of your besties when they come over for sophisticated cocktails, or for a larger party when you know there will be lots of other plates too. You’re going to impress your friends. You’ll want to go to a fancy store: WholeFoods, or your local specialty grocery. (Locals: the downtown warehouse Spec’s is perfect.) Believe it or not, you’re going to get better value for your money here than Kroger, or your everyday grocery store. I promise, money doesn’t *actually* just fly out of your pockets, and we’re going to be disciplined about this. Besides, the fancy stores are more likely to have someone in the cheese section who will be excited to help you, and maybe even give you samples of the cheese before you buy. The right employee, at the right moment, is going to think this is all a fun puzzle. Don’t be afraid to ask for and accept help, and tell them you’re only spending $20. If they do a good job, you’re going to be a repeat customer, and you’re being nicer to them than the rich housewives that have been grumping at them all day. (You are being nicer, right? You better be!) (Maybe I have to mention: youre looking for the cheese section that has an employee, and almost definitely has big, waxy cheese rounds displayed, not the cheese section that is next to the hot dogs. Ask if youre used to the hot dogs one.) Fancy stores will have cheese chunks cut small, into pieces less than $5, for people exactly like us. These are the pieces we’re looking for. Also pay attention to what the unit price is: we aren’t looking for the most expensive price per pound, but not the cheapest one either. You might be initially drawn to a brand that you recognize from your regular grocery. But that’s not the one you want- we didn’t go to that store for a reason. And you’re going to get a much better value for your money buying a smaller label cheese. This goes for all the cheeses you buy- the fancy store you’re at has someone picking which smaller labels are worth the money, and we’re going to take advantage of that. We’re also going to pay attention to the ones that have little cards the employees have written with descriptions on them- that means they’ve tried that cheese and liked it. We’re not getting the same brand everytime; that’s what makes it fun. And maybe there will be a dud every once in a while- we’re living risky! First you want a crowd-pleasing soft, buttery cheese, like a brie or a Camembert. There are adventuresome bries that are good, but again, you’re looking for one your pickiest eaters will like. It might even say “crowd-pleaser” on the card. If you can, get one that says “triple cream” because it will be the softest and butteriest. Next you want something harder and sharper, like an aged cheddar. Don’t go as hard as a Parmesan, unless you have a cheese shaver and a crowd sophisticated enough to know how to use it. If you look really closely through the plastic, you should be able to see a crystalline texture, but not a crumbly one. And don’t skimp on the price on this one- everybody knows what mediocre cheddar tastes like! Now you have two relative crowd-pleasers, and it’s time to find a pungent one that only your foodie friends will like. The classic for this is a blue cheese, but you could also do something crazy like the ones that have the pretty ash-lines in them. If you go for blue, look at the cards to see which ones recommend just eating them on crackers. This is your risky cheese, just pick one that sounds good to you. Now you have three cheeses- a soft buttery one, a hard sharp one, and a pungent one, for about $15. And it’s time to get honest with yourself about what you meant by your $20 budget. Did you absolutely mean you must stop at $20? Then it’s time to move on to bread and a garnish. Or did you mean you can spend $20 on the cheese, then a few extra on bread? Then we can get one more! If I get a fourth cheese, I usually make it one with some other flavor added- one with fruit mixed in, or an herbed goat cheese or something. Go as wild as you desire. Whether you’ve gotten a fourth cheese or not, it’s time to finish up. You’ll want a bread or cracker to go with your cheese plate. We already have lots of flavor, so this is time to keep it simple. A fresh baguette usually costs under $2, and is perfect (slice it up diagonally when you get home) or buy a simple box of water wafers, or some other very plain fancy cracker for just a little more. You’ll likely want some other non-cheese nibbly on your plate, although it isn’t strictly necessary. (Four perfect, art-fully arranged cheeses and a side bowl of crackers is a perfectly acceptable cheese plate.)This is traditionally either grapes or olives, but I encourage branching out. If you’re doing grapes, I like to make them seem fancier by getting the black ones. You could also find some other delicacy in the produce section, like blackberries if they are in season, or go wild with some little canned onions. Your choice, but you really only need *one* thing. Each of these options can be found in the $3-$4 range. Arrange the cheeses on a plate spaced pretty well out, so that your guests can cut one without getting their hands all tangled in the others. You probably want a different knife for the blue than for the others- put a few out. You might have a pretty cheese board, but a nice cutting board or pretty plate without big edges will be great too. Garnish with the grapes/olives/blackberries/whatever, and put the crackers/sliced baguette nearby, and you’re done! Be ready to receive impressed compliments. And decide whether you’ll fess up on how little you spent, or let your guests think you spent a fortune. (Most of this I learned by watching Jos Groen while growing up, so credit to him! Although I’m sure I developed my own twists over time.)
Posted on: Sun, 17 Nov 2013 20:48:14 +0000
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