going over my memories ,, once i had an agenda. to cary a chip on my shoulder.. intending on taking out the people in this world that gave me such a hard time in HS . bullies that came in the form of drug users and dealers.. i set out to build weaponry to erase them from the earth.. luckily i never saw my plan into fruition.. i planned to have them taken out by my own devices.. missles and other devices like them.. eventually my death wish was stilted by my pregnant wife.. a home made blasting cap or detonator went off in my hands due to static.. no damage was done but she was scared.. she said.. its either that or me.. i decided that night to throw away my kit.. a kit i caried in my trunk to be able to assemble a missle or improvised device in about 15 minutes if needed.. if caught with that stuff in my trunk these days i would be soaking in the sun at guantanimo bay. i remember offering my services to my father n law who like alot of residences in his area were trying to keep out the clymar land fill which would have acepted all sorts of waste from new york NJ and delaware. they were talking about shotting at the truck drivers.. i was offering my expertise as a way to contribute.. they looked at me as a city boy who knew nothing back then. its a good thing i had a change of heart about those bullies though.. i let the anger accompany me for a good 10 years. untill i decided to forgive them but first during those days i had to take a line from the clint eastwood movie/.. unforgiven. when you hurt someone.. you not only hurt them but you kill the dreams of everyone that person knew and loved.. i couldnt bear to cause someone to loose their son simply because they resembled someone i had to face up to in high school.. so i decided to forgive them instead... and later in life would look through the phone book to contact my bullies in order to start fresh.. a few of them were impossible to reach.. some i found.. some were in prison.. one is dead. I felt it was time to start new memories rather than let the bitterness eat me up inside.. of how these people held me back... well these days i face a new kind of bully.. Im open to suggestions..
Posted on: Wed, 12 Mar 2014 01:17:59 +0000
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