good bye......... now you are in jannah. what a painful way you have to go. you little sweet aycha, just 12 years old. what a cruel day. I can not put into words what I felt today. an infinite sadness, the feeling of being powerless. you fight and yet you have the feeling you are always the losers. but did you really lost. or is to stay in jannah as heavenly as it tells everyone. only you know it now, we remain ignorant here, beat up our own hour. You have impressed me with your beautiful smile and your delicate skin. I never got your eyes as so big and expressive how today just before your farewell. The whole day I saw you as a child so fragil, without getting power, humble. if your family has visited you, you were always very quiet, noisy, and sometimes as absent. your eyes were expressionless and very often a deep sadness was evident. what badly you have to make the experience sweet aycha. How much you had suffered. how many therapies did you have. how many times have you to listen the sentence: : you can do it, fight, do not give up a part”. and now from one moment to the next, you are just gone. like a boxer simply cancels shortly before begin his fight. your body just did not want anymore, as indeed, you have not weighed 27 kg. your little arms so fine and sometimes I just fear that I would break your hand when I touched it. but you were such a good thing. when we have seen tv in the evening and you have talked incessantly. You didn’t keep silent, you had to say your comment to everything because you have forgotten your disease for a brief instant. you could just be aycha without constantly tears in the eyes of parents and family to see. I would have been happy that your mom you would have seen in those moments. moments in which you seemed to be happy in spite of your illness. your mama is probably suffering the most of it now. especially because it came so quickly that you went. they had no time to say goodbye to you. Your mama would like to stay with you in hospital, but you’re your brothers and sisters are so little yet. She couldn’t left alone. It is now very hard fight for your mama. You suddenly gone. Yes you are in jannah but just not here anymore with her. Did you feel it before aycha? I felt that something was wrong with you. My daughter was sleeping calmy and you stayed as well calm in your bed but I was hearing your screaming. That’s why I looked for you. I hold your hand. This tiny hand. I turned the small light to see you better. I saw your eyes, gigantic eyes and you was afraid. You looked at me quizzically, like you want to ask me, tell me what is happening right now with me. Help me. I wanted to call the nurse but you didn’t let go my hand. You kept my in yours so strong. You seems so tense. I make you a massage with my other hand and talking softly to you. And again this song came in my mind……let her go!!!!! A chill came over me. Oh my god. I knew in this moment, you will lose this battle of life. It was your farewell. Your farewell from this torment and cruel pain. Your save. I told you, stay calm aycha and just let go. Stop fighting if you don’t have power anymore. It is ok really it is ok if you no longer could stay. You looked at me with your beautiful eyes. They was so big, you head was so big as well in opposite to your body cuz you have become so weak and lost all your weight. You looked at me and told me to sing for you. Oh my god, what should I sing now. I was so confuse and suddendly I remembered the song I always sing to my kids for sleeping from r. kelly , I believe I can fly. First I was humming it and then I sing it very softly for you. Suddenly your look was different, it changed, this dark and sad looking got to a shine, like the beautiful shine of a star in the sky, which is shining much brighter than the others. Your lips were soft and you smiled. You looks like an angel. Suddenly my hand feels empty. Your hand slipped out. I don’t know what I felt this moment. I looked ad the bed of my daugther and begin to cry just begging god do not let the same happen with her. To protect my child. I closed your eyes and looked at the time, it was exactly 11:11 am. And now I am sitting here and my soul is so much sad. Again this shower on my backside. My body is freezes and my heart is beating fast. Dead is so senseless and cruel. Why special people expecially kids have to die. Is impossible to understand. It is just cruel. it changes everything in your life. It makes you so weak, empty and powerless. Is like someone is always put you extra on the floor and don’t let you come up. Why this much to happen`? why? Why do innocent children die? Be in suffer, have so much pain? Why? Why you always are hoping it will be ok and they will be well again and suddenly comes the news from doc: sorry the cancer is alive, is spreading. Why? You are gone now little sweet aycha. Rest in peace please. Your battle of life was so hard, but now you are a winner cuz you touched people like me with your beautiful smile and story. You will remain in my heart as the sweet aycha as I know you. Good bye my little sweet angel.
Posted on: Wed, 05 Jun 2013 19:33:35 +0000
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