https://facebook/zuck Lauren Cooper (Catherine Tate) Mr. Logan (David Tennant) (Lauren and Lise are sitting in a classroom) Lise-I cant believe weve got double English. Lauren- English is well dry Lise- I dont see what so great about reading anyways Lauren- No, readings for loooosers. Lise- Innit though. Aleast we got a new teacher today Lauren- yeah, right, thatll be a laugh wonit (Enter Mr. Logan/David Tennant) Mr. Logan- Morning. All- Allllright Mr. Logan- As Im sure youre aware my name is Mr. Logan, Im your new English teacher. Nice to meet you all. Hope youre all ready to get to grips with some Elizabethan literature. Let all turn to page fifty three, in our poetry text books. I think well dive straight in with the bard himself. Lauren- Sir? Mr. Logan- Yeah Lauren- Are you English, sir? Mr. Logan- No, Im Scottish. Lauren- So you aint English then. Mr. Logan- No, Im British. Lauren- So you aint English then. Mr. Logan- No Im not but as you can see I do speak English. Lauren- But I cant understand what your saying, sir. Mr. Logan- Well clearly you can. Lauren- Sorry, are you talking Scottish now? Mr. Logan- No, Im talking English. Lauren- Right. Dont sound like it. Mr. Logan- Okay, whatever you want. Now, lets get on with Shakespeare. Lauren- I dont think youre qualified to teach us English. Mr. Logan- I am perfectly qualified to teach you English. Lauren- I dont fink you are though. Mr. Logan- You dont have to be English to teach it. Lauren- Right, have we got double English, or double Scottish? Mr. Logan- Is your name Lauren Cooper by any chance? Lauren- Yeah. Why? Mr. Logan- Your reputation precedes you. Lauren- Innit though. Mr. Logan- So, Shakespeares sonnets-- Lauren- Sir? Mr. Logan- A sonnet is a poem-- Lauren- Sir? Mr. Logan- --written in fourteen-- Lauren- Sir? Mr. Logan- --lines-- Lauren- Sir? Mr. Logan- -- the last two of which-- Lauren- Sir? Mr. Logan- --must form a rhyming couplet-- Lauren- Sir? Mr. Logan- Yes Lauren! Lauren- Can I aks you a question? Mr. Logan- Not just now. Lauren- Can I aks you a question now? Mr. Logan- Just wait. Lauren- But can I just aks you a question? I only want to aks you a question. Cant I aks you a question? Im just aksing you a question. Cant I aks you a question? Mr. Logan- What is it? Lauren- Are you the Doctor? Mr. Logan- Doctor Who? Lise & Lauren- It is you! (All laugh) Mr. Logan I dont know what youre talking about. Lauren- You look like Doctor Who though! Mr. Logan Im not Doctor Who, Im your English teacher. Lauren- I dont think you are though. Mr. Logan- Lauren. Lauren- I think youre a nine hundred and forty five year old Time Lord. Mr. Logan- Listen. Lauren- Did you just pitch up from Mars? Mr. Logan- Dont be ridiculous. Lauren- You know your house, right. Mr. Logan- What? Lauren- You know your house? Mr. Logan- Yeah. Lauren- Is it bigger on the inside? Mr. Logan- Be quiet. Lauren- Have you parked the TARDIS on a meter? Mr. Logan- Can we please get back to Shakespeare! Lauren- *fhuh* (sits back into chair) Mr. Logan- Thank you. So-- Lauren- Do you fancy Billie Piper sir? Mr. Logan- Right. (stands up) You are the most insolent child I have ever had the misfortune to teach! Lauren- Thank you. Mr. Logan- Youre pointless, repetitious and extremely dull. Lauren- A bit like Shakespeare. Mr. Logan- Youre not even worthy to mention his name, William Shakes -- William Shakespeare was a genius, you, little madam are definitely not. Now just sit there and keep your mouth shut or I will fail you in this whole module right now! Lauren- *fhuh* Ammist I bovvered? Ammist I bovvered forsooth? Mr. Logan- Lauren. Lauren- Looketh at my face. Mr. Logan- I dont-- Lauren- Looketh at my face. Mr. Logan- Stop it. Lauren- Is this a bovvered face thou see before thee? Mr. Logan- Right, Im calling your parents. Lauren- Are you disrespecting the house of Cooper?! Are thou calling my mother a pox ridden wench? Mr. Logan- Enough. Lauren- Are thou calling my father a goodly rotten apple? Mr. Logan- Lauren. Lauren- But he aint even a goodly rotten apple. Mr. Logan- Listen to me. Lauren- But he aint even a goodly rotten apple, though. Mr. Logan- Thats enough. Lauren- Face, is - Mr. Logan- Lauren. Lauren- --bovvered-- Mr. Logan- Lauren, enough. Lauren- --Look at it-- Mr. Logan- Enough Lauren- --Look at it-- Mr. Logan- --Stop, thats it-- Lauren- But my liege-- Mr. Logan- -- No, stop-- Lauren- --My liege -- Mr. Logan- --Shh, enough-- Lauren- --My liege -- Mr. Logan- -- No-- Lauren- --My liege -- Mr. Logan- --Enough-- Lauren- --Bovverd, face, this, bovvered-- Mr. Logan- --Lauren-- Lauren- *Scottish accent* You take the high road and Ill take the low. *normal voice* I aint even bovvered. I aint bovvered. Look, face, bovvered, bovvered, face, bovvered, I aint even bovvered. My liege, I be not bovvered forsooth, I be not bovvered. Face, bovvered, I aint even bovvered, face, bovvered, Shakespeare, sonnets, I aint even bovvered. My mistress eyes are nothing like the sun, Coral is far more red than her lips red. If snow be white, why then her breasts are dun; If hair be wires, black wires grow on her head. I have seen roses damasked, red and white, But no such roses see I in her cheeks; And in some perfurmes is there more delight Than in the breath that from my mistress reeks. I love to hear her speak, yet well I know That music hath a far more pleasing sound. I grant I never saw a goddess go: My mistress when she walks treads on the ground. And yet by heaven, I think my love as rare As any she belied with false compare. (Bangs desk) Bite me, alien boy! Mr. Logan- (pulls out sonic screwdriver and uses it on Lauren, who turns into Rose Tyler action figure) Thats better. A rose by any other name would smell as sweet. Lauren/Rose Tyler action figure- I still aint bovvered
Posted on: Tue, 01 Apr 2014 23:08:05 +0000
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