https://youtube/watch?v=WMO72KRoL4Y September 14, 2012 my oldest son Andrew age 27 was driving to work and was hit head on just five minutes away from his work dyeing at 0555. The witness and police report said Andrew died on impact. I cannot express in words how this life altering change has taken a once happy energetic extroverted person to a place so introverted in such a very dark and so lonely. I just don’t understand why in the only time in my life I needed to depend on those I love strength…why were they so mean…why did they abandon me in such a dark place…was it so dark they could no longer see me…I just don’t understand…why did they leave me…why Why did my cat that I loved so much leave me a month after Andrew taken traumatically; unauthorized departure? Why were they so mean to me at work,…so mean…bullies…why did I get attacked in my lowest darkest time, were these now strangers waiting for the moment to attack…I always tried to be pure love, pure kindness, pure happiness…was that wrong…did my love make them secretly hate me…why did they smoother my love with horrible words…why did they bring me more pain…did they not know I could hear them…or was I so dark…they didn’t see me…why would words so cruel exist…even if it was too dark…to see me…I just don’t understand… Are others just as afraid of me…as I am…where did my strength hide…is it too dark for it to find me…can I find everything that is hiding from me…can I…do I want too…I must find my love…my reflection is just a blur now…does the mirror not see me in this darkness…I just don’t understand…My husband never left me…what would of happened…if he didn’t carry me…hold me…always…even so many countless times… hysterical crying…screaming…still today…why did this hysterical sobbing find me…where did it come from…were was it hiding…how did I find it…does it live in the darkness…if tears…and my loving husband…see me…in the darkness…why can’t anything else…see me…save me…does my husband…see me…in the darkness… My lifetime I have cared…for so many…why does…no one care…that I am…in the dark…someone find the light…tell it to…try and find…me…if it is not…to dark…does the light…fear darkness… Why has my very own mother completely disowned me, I was always the one she would say “that’s the daughter I don’t have to worry about”…was my pain too much for her….was it so dark she could no longer see me….is she…afraid of…the darkness…afraid…of what is…contains… I know now…that people to die from a broken heart, I am slowly and painfully…disappearing…in my reflection…am I too far into the darkness…that I no longer see…me… Two years now…I have felt…lost…alone…occasionally a glimpse…of who I was…I am no longer…attached…to that person…a stranger…that I see a glimpse of…who I once was…a stranger…I am no longer…connected…I see her now, and love her…where did she go…why does she keep hiding…her husband aches…for her return…once again…his wife…she is gone…how can I…tell him…he is…already in so much pain…will he…love the one…in the darkness…am I a blur…to him…when did I develop…fear…I don’t even believe…in fear…maybe I have not seen it…before…because…it lives in the…darkness…now with…me…“No Fear” of the darkness…who is this stranger…I hate her… me…so much…I just don’t understand…where did my love go…did it die…did people rob me of it…with their…words… or subconsciously…is it strengthening…to be even stronger…than before…it does not see me…in the darkness…either…maybe…I am the…darkness…that every…one…is afraid of…it is now…familiar…so dark…so alone…so much…pain within…I guess…pain…lives in the darkness…too…I just…hmmm…I wonder…does the darkness…know I am here…because I am…the darkness…nobody likes…the darkness…hmmm…I do…
Posted on: Fri, 12 Dec 2014 07:05:33 +0000