i dont follow celebrity gossip, per say, but i do love the company of women-friends, even if theyre on daytime t.v. you do hear a thing or two. so, in a new tell-all, rosie perez supposedly tossed tons of shade at jennifer lopez. straight-up called her out, yankee style. basically, she accused j.lo of being a double-barrel-you-know-what, as if dudes dont master that art by 4th grade. men do it all the time, but nobody feels compelled do anything, but reward the behavior. not saying its right. just had to say. heres the thing that struck me, though im entirely too focused on katy perry and these bad boys she keeps dark horsing. (stop lying to yourself, child.) katy is a full time job, and i want to overtime grab her by the throat (out of love). i read a few things she wrote before she got huge, and shes seemingly sincere and quite funny. katy, listen to me. bad boys are bad BOYS, because their mothers refused to say no, so sister, prepare to pick up after peter pan, because no woman matches a broad who buys the groceries, and washes the dishes. katy, stop now, before you wind up in a game of bald lot golf. vampires turn you into a vampire. you kiss, they suck. do you read? katy, you have jesus tattooed on your wrist. you bear the name of a man who forgave torturers. he knew not to blame the soulless for failing to give what they dont have. you are a walking target that reads exploit me; i like it. please. i am begging. date someone nice, like dr. phils youngest son, jordan. hes in a rock band, and we know he was raised right, because robin doesnt suffer fools. phil will tell you. anyway, the hens say (and this is the worst of it), ms. lopez went all-out jenny-from-the-block on rosie. yep. thats the worst thing of it. jenny cocked her neck like a chicken and cooked up a brooklyn boil, pre hoity-toityfication, and acted like she got skipped in line at the pawn shop. shes that low! whatever. i am intrigued. being i am from the 6th burrow, florida, this gossip steams of local color. its personal. okay, so you take a prize fighter from the ring. they get scared, throw a hook to the jaw, and all the sudden, the townsfolk decide he needs monday-through-friday church. its shocking and horrid that someone does what they know to do. OOOOOHHHHHH. TERRIBLE. shackle her butt to a bucket of holy water before her neck does a 360. so the gal jury decided, jenny is a she-devil, not because shes a mean girl, but because she lacks class. she failed to ask wwncd? (what would niles crane do?) our girl stepped down in rank, and lowered herself to baboonery- keepin the *** in class. jennifer was unladylike. her crime calls for chalk. in the meantime, bring antisocial allen another trophy. anything- as long as we get to hang this street-urchin from the highest water tower. well, you know what? thats classist, which drives me crazy. it makes me crazy! and when people make me crazy, and yes, they can MAKE YOU CRAZY (I DONT WANT TO HEAR ABOUT ANY NEW AGE BULLCRAP RIGHT NOW), MY MOMMA TOLD ME IF SOMEBODY TELLS YOU TO GET IN THE VAN, OR THEYLL KILL YOU, HOLLER, YOU KILL ME RIGHT HERE. KILL ME NOW! AND THEN SHE SAID IM TO KICK THE LIVING EYEBALLS OUT THEIR HEAD, UNTIL THE FEAR TABLES 180! SHE DIDNT COME TO THIS COUNTRY FOR ME TO GO DOWN IN THE STREET LIKE TOAST, SO BACK THE HELL UP, BEFORE I SMACK THE TASTE FROM YOUR UNBORN CHILDS MOUTH! MY MOTHER ALSO TOLD ME TO CARRY A BLADE ON FIRST DATES, SO GO AHEAD AND TRY RUNNING ANY GAME YOU GOT. PLEASE! TRY ME! IM TALKING TO YOU, RUSSELL BRAND! I SAW HOW SHE WAS LOOKING AT YOU AS YOU LOOKED INTO A CAMERA LENS. DONT THINK I MISSED THAT NOISE. AND SINCE I WENT TO ONE OF THOSE FANCY SCHOOLS, NOW IM GOING TO CUSS YOU OUT WITH THE BIGGEST WORDS I KNOW. AND THEN ILL USE SYNONYMS OF THOSE WORDS. YOU DONT KNOW THEM. YOURE GOING BE SERVED ALL KINDS OF WAYS, BECAUSE HOW DARE YOU DEVALUE SOMEONE BASED UPON STUPID RULES THAT HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH CHARACTER AND ETHICS. phew. i hope no one from the office sees this. the nerve of some people.
Posted on: Wed, 05 Mar 2014 13:24:35 +0000
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