i have calmed down, but i am still aboslutely dumb founded why i take so much crap. we all have adversity, we all have problems, and maybe its just me, but my plate is so overflowing with bullshit, despite all my best intentions, that it feeds right into my helpless hopeless PTSD receptors. i try to be positive, i try to look on the bright side most of the time, but when things just keep crashing down every time i try to make some kind of positive improvement in my life, it just breaks my heart. There are very few indications of good guys winning, of self less giving paying off. I get thank yous and i love them, i have the admiration of my son , and other children, and if it werent for that i would be being slowly torn apart by the churning waters of the rollerdam by now. I have never felt so alone, spit on, rejected, and as if i just dont belong in this world, because it just keeps knocking me down. Im sorry i cant get over jim,. im sorry i cant get over divorce and loneliness, i JUST CANT SEEM TO DO IT. and i am exhausted with failure and set ups that never pay off. I am VERY sad, i feel bad for these kids having to grow up and enter this heartless meat grinder world we have left for them. Humans have FAILED. We are a failed species. The fact that good people in this world are the exception and not the rule, breaks my heart, and floods my soul in a river of tears and pain.
Posted on: Fri, 14 Nov 2014 19:17:28 +0000
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