i have not felt you in 36 months. and it was 3 years ago today that the rope tugged tightly around your neck and you deliberately fell to an end. i remember that book you read while we were on vacation, and those lyrics you would make up to some song. sometimes you would smoke cigarettes to have something to talk about. i saw you jump in front of your friend to save him from his face meeting a fist, and you told me to go inside. you were drunk and that night you dragged me to the bushes away from everyone. your shirt had tiny coloured splotches as the moon lit up your figure. there were rivers running down your face as you showed the small incisions you drew on your biceps to feel something. i remember falling asleep that night knowing you’d forget what happened. we camped on the river the next night. as everyone fell asleep, you and i were up. you were somewhere else, even though you sat beside me. i remember the call i got on that wednesday in august. my phone hit the ground so hard i was surprised it did not break. when i saw you on friday, surrounded by half open eyes, you were not you. your face was never that huge, and your eyes could never deepen to purple that quick. your skin was never that cold. i could not watch them bury you saturday, but i heard your mother talked to you in front of everyone, and you still did not say anything. i remember not being able to sleep and i found stupid things to distract myself from you. my mum would not stop telling me that she was sorry, and it kept stabbing my heart. i have a whole cross stitch pattern dedicated to you and drawings i could not escape from my mind. i still go back to that river to feel you, and i saved those last pictures from that night. i still think of you even though you do not think of me.
Posted on: Tue, 29 Apr 2014 00:02:14 +0000
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