i have returned to cleaning and washing sheets. another group of guests have come and gone. each set renews memories and sparks stories of certain moments in my life. their perspectives had context to my thoughts. almost making them three dimensional in my mind now. they have a little peak around the corner of the occurrence that happened in the past. i guess it doesnt change anything. what has happened stays the same but now i have more information as to why or others reactions. ones tendency is to reflect on myself as the reason or the cause for things to take place but often these things just happen on their own. you are simply a witness or at most a small spark. my problem if there is one is that these folks have entered my brain now in such close confined time frame. as i get older, processing this information becomes slightly muddled. the upshot is that for most of the time i was a clean mixer. i was there, i took part but was never the cause of the problem but remained a witness. i find that all these years later this is a comforting notion. i have nothing to defend or argue about. what i do find is that these guests stir up the thoughts of the many places and events that i was witness to. things that have receded to the past and now are returning with the small incidental facts. needless to say my brain is working overtime. ella is also in bit of a state of constant confusion. i have added to that by taking her one night to the theater. she enjoyed the play but had to fight her wanting to join me on stage and tell her side of some of the stories.while she loved meeting new people and visiting others, she came home exhausted. all these new people staying in vitos and leos rooms is taxing her. she seems to long for the normality of our usual daily life. it might seem boring but it has a dependable quality to it that she finds comfortable. new folks, new smells, and so much luggage to investigate. last night we paused in the living room to just sit together and breathe. we had nothing on but just our selves just sitting together. we watched the shadows move and listened to the street sounds. we processed our individual thoughts and gathered our strength. it was a moment not unlike her having us sitting on strangers front porch steps in the morning. instead of watching the sun say hello we greeted the moon. luckily we have each other to go forward in this journey.
Posted on: Mon, 13 Oct 2014 13:42:17 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015