i havent achieved it yet but i percevere in the blind unreasonable hope that i have the capacity within me to someday achieve something of some kind of quality that i can put my name on. every day i put myself in the presence and and immerse myself in the output of brilliant and talented people who are doing and making beautiful things because i think i can learn from them and absorb from them and raise myself up on lessons that they can teach me. And it means that most of the time i am the least talented least skilled least self-assured or well-credentialled person in any of the rooms i stand in or the circles i cower at the outskirts of and my life somethimes feels like this relentless, exhausting unending series of humblings. the moments of beauty and exhilaration and inspiration are often clouded by long and intense moments of feeling like utter and complete shit. Sometimes i wish there was some other way, or some way that i could live a comfortable life just being ok at the things I do. But just ok doesnt cut it. I have to be, if not great, then at the very least good. And good as I see it is still so, so far away, but there is no other destination. no other warm hearth. So i keep on going and if you that to know what im doing here…thats it. trying to be good.
Posted on: Fri, 05 Dec 2014 11:49:37 +0000
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