i i can feel indents in all my fingernails from just over a month ago, sleeping without a blanket in parkinglots, starving, eating leftovers that i found. your fingernails stop growing right when you dont eat.. but the new fingernail coming in looks good. the dark circles under my eyes are slowly fading as i have quit smoking anything cold turkey. and ive eliminated animal products from my diet. its funny, everyone who loves meat likes to rebuke me about eliminating meat. saying im going to not have energy. the guy that smokes everyone else on the hand crew. hes vegan. (handcrews are badass, and the top guy is vegan.) you know who else was vegan? carl lewis who won 10 gold medals in one olympics or something. not to say i dont believe you, to each his own. but im tired of feeling like shit. and sugar too. i want to get my old mind back, the one that was clean, and powered by oats and greens and millet and pumpkin and sweatlodge prayers ive had to adapt and blend in and forsake my preferred lifestyle for far too long. to get by. and now hopefully i find a purity. pura vida. im also going to make a little altar, to share the faces of all my teachers with whoever comes into my space, and to remind myself of the good teachings ive recieved. buddha, ledi sudow, u ba kin, goenke, babaji sri yukkteswar, yogananda, michael jordan, black elk, jesus christ, bob marley, jerry garcia, my teachers in hawaii, buckminster fuller, robert anton wilson, and pictures of my all time favorite people who stoke me out. maybe throw in rajneesh cuz some of his books taught me alot. check out the book of secrets. also marko rodin potentially. there will inevitably be more as they come to me Im gonna start working on that when my little buddha statue comes in the mail from ebay. whenever i get it. i got called to my first fire today, we were driving up a road and the entire valley was a giant wall of smoke, it was very counter intuitive to drive towards it, (usually you move away from that) but we have the crazy gear for it, and i was thinking today could be my last day. i got myself into this mess, i made the cake and now im gonna eat it. and all i could think about was my bucket list, the things in my life i did that i didnt feel good about that i felt like i had to make better, alchemize the negativity into positivity somehow. by the time we got to the fire, it was pretty much under control, and our dispatch was canceled and we went back. but they got 4 fires the week before i got here. you should have seen my game face, i dont know what it looked like, but they had me unraveling a giant map trying to figure out the landscape of where we were going, and they said afterwards i had an epic game face on. i was in hyper stillness, totally calm and efficient and clear thinking. i take this job seriously. i could be working all through the night putting a fire out right now, i kind of wish i was. but i just got all my paperwork transfered from my other crew to the district up here and just got the ranger to sign off on it, like 15 minutes before we took off for the fire. so it seems like it will be an eventful summer
Posted on: Wed, 09 Jul 2014 07:36:06 +0000
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