i thought my whole world was crashing done around me... the - TopicsExpress

i thought my whole world was crashing done around me... the following day i packed all his things including crumpets and onion rings that he like.. he had gone off to his workshop, i rang and asked if he was sure he wanted to go.. he told me he had to so i told him id packed his things.. he tried to get someone else pick to pick it up but i said hed lived with me almost 4 years he owed me that much. he came to collect his things that night and i asked him w what id done and didnt he love me anymore.. he said he did but couldnt be here i even said we can stay together but not live together but he still said no... i felt like i was dying my heart split into two pieces there and then a he drove of.. i didnt understand why.. i didnt dare touch a drink when he first left all i did was cry and cry and cry, i didnt sleep, i couldnt eat i just cried. then a week later my friend had a bbq i said id go and swore to myself i wouldnt drink so i took my 3 boys down the road to the bbq, when i got there i just stuck to coffee i was still very tearful but i held it in.. then the wine started flowing so i had a few, then a few more, then i switched to vodka. At 10pm at night i was hammered absolutely off my face so i got my kids together grabbed the bottle of vodka that id mixed with a bit of lemonade and off i went.. in more ways than just home, something snapped inside me i started calling my youngest a c***, and telling the middle one to funk off and go to his dad, then i started on the eldest while he was on the phone,. walking in the centre of the road swigging out of the vodka bottle abusing my kids and my eldest was begging me to stop but i wouldnt. when we got indoors i still was going on and my eldest got the other 2 upstairs out of the way and i just sat drinking ot the bottle talking crap... next thing i remember is my mum walking in and taking the bottle off me.. i cant remember her exact words but i know i got a swift slap coz i kept calling my youngest a c***. i was not capable of looking after my own children and my mum packed them up and took them away from me.. they didnt deserve that i know that now.. this was to be the start of my melt down.....

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