it was one of those nights followed by one of those mornings. at about 4 a.m. i walked over to the couch in the playroom...the one i longed to rest on after childbirth...the one i sat on nursing both babies, then later folded out for family time as we all four snuggled and watched tv...it was the one we let yall jump on and eat on and the one many a night was spent under as it also could, with imagination, easily double as a tent. it was the one many friends piled on, popcorn and drinks in hand, to watch movies and tell scary stories on and the one we all slept on if the weather was bad and the children didnt want to go to bed. it houses so many memories and i was sad that today was its scheduled day to go. for old times sake, i unfolded the bed part. a yellow piece of paper with familiar handwriting dropped to the floor....i caught my breath...but then could not contain myself when I realized the bottom sheet on the couch was from corys first set of big boy sheets. obviously the last ones we put on the couch before moving it into the playroom, the sheets and long been forgoten but still had the faint smell i longed for. footballs and baseballs swam in front of me as i fought the urge to scream. some days, some moments....are more than i can bear. im not the only mom to lose a child...i know...but i am the only one who lost mine...and every day, at some point, the wound rips and seeps again and part of me disintegrates while the other part flails aimlessly, grasping and clawing at something, anything to hold onto for just one more hour of survival....
Posted on: Thu, 03 Jul 2014 00:15:32 +0000
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