its been an interesting few weeks... in what seems a very long period flux... but... resulting in a bit of clarity today... looking back... at the evolution... challenging what i believe... who i am... what i want... always an interesting process... i am... no longer who i was... many memories of the past... many long held habits... no longer serve me well... i like... my travels... exploring different cultures... learning... cooking... friends... Buenos Aires... and, of course... tango... i am no longer interested in politics... i like policies... that benefit the common man... not those that protect the corporations and those in power... it is not about the individual issues... those will be damaged by the process in any event... it is about the attitude... the intent... i refuse to continue to be a cog in the capitalistic system... in any system... i am simply one man... i want to live my life... to enjoy it... i refuse to be measured by my contribution to the system... i want my funeral... to be a celebration to a life well lived... shared by friends... who will miss me... not a tribute to contributions made to to some larger authority... what i do... is largely unimportant... 100 years from now... no one will remember who i am... not even my great-great-granchildren... if there are any... i have no real interest in the harsh realities... i dont want to click my heels and go back to Kansas... (more accurately... to Ohio...) i really dont want to see who is behind the curtain... ill take Oz... flying monkeys and all... i am in Buenos Aires... because it intrigues me... the culture... the remnants of the glory of 100 years ago... the architecture... the attitudes... of course... it has its issues today... what place doesnt? i grew up in classic, blue collar Americana... in a good time to grow up... and did the boy scout... student athlete... class officer/student council... school newspaper editor... thing... i spent four years in the Army... stationed in Hawaii... Sgt/E-5... 25th Infantry... Artillery... immediately post-Vietnam... i followed the traditional route... sort of... married for 19 years... to a very, very good woman... two boys... baseball coach... room mother... (yeah... whatever...) and enjoyed it... very much... but... i have no desire to repeat that experience... in the life i live today... i am telling a story... if simply for my own benefit... and entertainment... but... i believe... that those stories are what sustain us... they are what makes life worth living... they are the creations of our own making... in a quest for some more... they are a statement... of what makes us smile... of what gives us pleasure... the stories of my youth... included legends... tales... with a moral... my imagination... of what can be... is what motivates me... i have traveled a great deal... especially in the past two years... i have lived on a sail boat on the south side of Hong Kong Island... walked the streets of Kowloon and Central... and, the tranquility of the path to the Big Buddah... i have seen the destitution Malate... the beauty of the rainforests and waterfalls of Roxas... and, the aftermath of Yolanda... i have taken the water taxi up and down the water front of Copenhagen... enjoyed the harmony of the blend of old and new... and, the simple pleasures of an amazing display of sand castles... i have seen... many cities... on five continents... in each of the past two years... and, now... i am home... in Buenos Aires... my home of choice... this is the base... from which i will invent my story... which will be called my life... i will only get to tell it once... i choose Buenos Aires... as both the back drop... and the basic theme... to tell the story i want to live... i have much preparation to do... but... that is also a part of the story... the late-middle aged American... re-inventing life... i need to master spanish... it is a measure of respect... for the city ive chosen... an essential element... in participating in this culture... the ability to communicate effectively... is an inherent part of telling any story... i choose not to live as an expat... tango... is obviously a passion... and, a major component of this story... as a dance... as a story within the story... because tango is more than a dance... it is a way of life... and it is unique to each person who embraces it... for me... it captures the romanticism... it captures the civility and the elegance... it captures the essence... of a life... a story... that i find very appealing... for over seven years... over four... based in Buenos Aires... tango has inspired me... tweaking my imagination... i have taken the classes... practiced... danced in the milongas... and attended the festivals... in many parts of the world... i have searched for the instructor to guide me... i have looked for the partner... to take on this journey with me... i have missed... that i am my own guide... that i learn from each person i come into contact with... and, that i am already on the journey... i have overlooked... that time will not wait for my preparations to be complete... that i am living the story today... the characters in the story... are already familiar to me... and, they are a compelling cast... they, too... are story tellers... musicians... performers... instructors... organizers... dancers... creating their own stories... interacting... improvising... playing off one another... for some... i know a bit of their back stories... for most... i know only their public presence... that is all i need... and want... i have little interest in the mundane realities... that are a part of all of us... that... is reserved solely for a few close friends... i am not lonely... quite the opposite... i find it difficult to find the quiet time to escape and relax... in the swirl of friends... and acquaintances... and visitors... i have had a long-term desire... to again find that special woman... in the traditional sense of the idea... to be my partner... in my life... in my bed... in the story we create together... and, in tango... i surrender that today... i know that i am not seeking to live a traditional life... a few days ago... i wrote of living by invitation... that... is the life i present to any woman... an invitation... one invitation... one experience at a time... i have no desire for more... i believe... there is no more... i have no interest in promises to be regretted later... i have no interest in ownership... or being owned... i want to be challenged to inspire... and be inspired... i want to spoil... and, to be spoiled... i want to live a more interesting life... than the mundane man that underlies each of us... i am fortunate to share time... to share experiences... with many exceptional women... i am very, very spoiled... i met a woman recently... nearly unique... one of less than a handful in my life... that seem to appear in these moments of change... obviously attractive... to any man... in any room... but... again... for me... compelling eyes... maybe another reason that i prefer cabeceo... an immediate awareness of her energy in the room... her presence... in minor conversation... articulate... her intelligence... obvious... extremely feminine... but, clearly not weak... i have been asked on occasion... the type of woman that i am looking for... there is no type... i know, however... that my answer to those questions... has always described this woman... i simply did not know her name before... this is not a naive statement of unbridled love... or a statement of simple lust... this is the character my imagination invented... to travel with me... to create the adventure with... to invent the story with... i acknowledge fully... my selfish interests... drive my infatuation today... but... i am clear... i want the experiences... with her... with any woman... only by invitation... i have no interest... in her allowing... only in her wanting... i know nothing of this person really... not her tastes... nor her preferences... nor her passions... those only come over time... over many shared scenes in a co-created story... i know only... that for some reason... for many reasons... i recognized her immediately... and said... damn... she does exist... :-) in my writing about living by invitation... i intentionally omitted one important stanza... that i did not want to actively acknowledge at the time... you can not cabeceo someone who is in the middle of a tanda... for now, at least... that tanda will have to wait... surprisingly... unlike a small number of similar experiences of the past... this does not bother me... i know the quality of the story that i desire... it is not about the attributes of the character... it is about the shared experiences that will be scenes in the story... and, those need to happen naturally... or the story is diminished... for now... there are many scenes to be written... many plot twists to unwind... i have struggled with work the past few years... maybe because i spent too much of my life... allowing what i do to generate income to define me... and, i clearly do not want that to be my dominant attribute... i like what i do to generate income... for the most part... but... i do not live to work... i work... to generate the money necessary... for the basics of life... and, to fund the story... beyond that... i want to devote as little time and energy to it as possible... my desire is to enjoy my life... with those i share it with... that is my only interest in money... it gives me no pleasure in and of itself... it is the fuel... that fires the engine... that drives my imagination... to places it could not go otherwise... this may be the prologue... clearly, it is not an epilogue... and... i dont think there is such a thing as a mid-logue... :-) i write only for me... i capture my thoughts of the moment... so that at some future point in time... i can go back and answer the question i occasionally pose to myself... what the hell were you thinking?
Posted on: Sat, 08 Mar 2014 01:51:49 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015