(its fictional... kasaiko jindagi ma mel khaye sanyog matra hunecha) A NERD IN LOVE ‘Padhandas.’ It had become a household name for me. Don’t know how my so called school friends ended up with this name. Maybe they were proving themselves to be better than the Pandits or maybe they were jealous of my study. Truly speaking, I am not a much of studious guy and don’t want to be also. Whenever someone says me so, I really get pissed off. 50 years from now, I dont want to remember that I ended up with the books and studies. I want to be a normal boy, but not a boy with big specs and books in hands always. Well, those who are much closer to me; like my family, they always scold me for not studying, not like those lousy friends who think I always study. Maybe I was born talented but I wasnt happy with it, as I always proved a failure in all the other things that the guys of my age do. Often I see boys with their girls. Its not like I dont feel like having such life. But whenever I look into the mirror, I used to get answer: big and thick specs, moon face and of course the height and physique were the other culprits. How on earth a girl will fall for such things. There was also something missing in the face; the smile. I just appear to smile only, but not smiling. People always used to say that I’m good in studies and girls will run behind me. But reality is much bitter. Frankly, I never had the guts to even approach them. I knew that I may end up without any girl in my hay days. But this isn’t the life I desired of, I was kind a fed up with it. For the nerds like me, I find the filmmakers one of the reasons for giving us such a pathetic life. They always portray guys like me as a lifeless and reserved character. Whenever I see such films, I feel like crying alone. It feels as if I was watching myself in the screen. However I was living with it; accepting the truth and going with the flow. I used to wonder in far corner I can find many of my type. Time moved on so was I, but maybe I was little bit sluggish. During the vacations, I got involved in forming up an eco-club, aimed in uniting the city’s youths. Nature has always been my inspiration. So I was happy to be serving her. We gathered in a friends house. We were mostly unfamiliar and waiting for more other unfamiliar faces to come. Everyone was more interested in introducing and giggling but I was just peeking through the window and enjoying my solitude. It was raining lightly outside and I could also feel the light breeze along with it. Suddenly, I saw a girl in the street with a light blue umbrella in her hand. But she was enjoying with the rain, getting wet with it. She was dancing with the breeze, singing with the rain. I couldn’t help myself watching her innocent eyes. She seemed like a cute baby to me with an elegant smile. Probably the prettiest thing I ever witnessed. I was feeling fortunate enough to be witnessing it and made sure other people in the room didn’t notice her. When she took her sandals off and started walking, looking up in the pouring cloudy sky, it just reminded me of a typical Hindi love story film’s scene. But suddenly she noticed that I was staring at her. Eyes met. She became so shy and so pink. Oh god! That smile when she was shying appeared even prettier. Probably even God was also so jealous about the fact that one day a human will bear all the burdens to keep her smiling. I thought my day was made when our eyes met and I dreamt I will be that human, the God would be so jealous of. People are so jealous of others’ happiness. I was so angry when somebody from behind called me. He just ruined it. But when I got back to the window, she was a goner. I looked up and down the street but couldn’t find her. The whole scene turned up so gloomy and appeared the rain was crying with me. I was so sad, felt this was the end. I thought if I could be dancing with her. Thought better to join the group. To my surprise, when I turned back, my heart blew away. There she was, standing behind me and smiling. She said, “I think you are looking for someone, probably me. But why you look so pale and shivering.” How could I tell her what’s happening to me, what I am feeling deep inside my heart. This is the first time a girl approached to me and chatted. Her voice sounded like a symphony to me and felt of just listening to it forever. In a shivering voice I said, “No, No. I was just enjoying the rainfall.” She laughed n said again, “But I saw you watching me and smiling. Actually why you were staring at me?” I asked, “Smiling? That’s impossible and I wasn’t staring, I was watching someone feeling the rainfall for the first time like me. I also do the same. Felt got another one of my kind.” She smiled and replied, “Yeah, but your eyes tell the other way. By the way I’m Jasmine. What’s yours?” Perfect name for a perfect person, I thought and replied, “Sahil, but I don’t like it. My parents named me, but I think they misjudged the book and chose a wrong title.” She said, “I don’t judge the book by its cover. You should admire and respect what you have got and your parents did no mistake in choosing that name for you.” I was so happy, felt like flying. I had thought that I had forgotten to smile. She wasn’t even boastful and proud. She had a unique elegancy that passionately drew me towards her and I was making sure no other guys hover around her in the room. We talked, and when we were finished up with the meeting we exchanged our numbers and facebook Ids. Back home, I guess I almost stood 1 hour in front of the mirror, thinking about her. I was actually trying to copy her smile but the smiles just came like that whenever I thought about her. I was boosted up and my confidence was soaring up high.Meanwhile we two were in constant touch, chatting in facebook, talking over the phone and meeting up during the club related events. She was kind, simple, supportive and encouraging. I don’t know what the beauty of girls mean for the other boys. But she was more than perfect for a guy like me, a girl that I can’t even imagine of when dreaming. She gave me the confidence that I never had. Nowadays I don’t give a damn when someone bullies me. It would rather turn up into a pointless discussion. So I just give them smile when they start bullying. Soon they stopped doing so. I think they found a new victim. Habits can’t be abandoned so easily.Happy moments pass away so fast. I don’t know why. I had been living such a pathetic life for so long, but now though I’m so happy it seemed that time was running much faster than before. I realized that Jasmine had become so important to me. It wasn’t just limited upon the friendship for me anymore. I don’t know what she thinks about me. Things seemed to be changing a bit. Every time whenever we meet, she seemed to be smiling but her eyes appeared sad. I felt all those smiles came out hiding lots of pains and agonies. Even when we chat, the words were saying something else. I was burning inside alone. A real flirter would have known about all these things of a girl. But I am so dumb in it. I was just like a useless spectator. I wanted to hold her, say what I feel about her, sort out all those agonies that she might have and tell her in front of everyone that you’re the one. You’re the one that came like an angel to me and showed a half dead man how to live again. For what I was today, the reason was only you. But there was a big dilemma inside me. I may lose her if I said what I feel about her. I was being protective about myself, being selfish about the way I am now. I thought the old useless Sahil will be born again and become more useless than before. I was confused and stuck.However this problem was solved soon. It’s been long she became out of contact. Her facebook account was deactivated and her number wasn’t working anymore. Actually, I didn’t even know where she live and about her family and friends also. I was so much into her that I didn’t get time for it. I was a true dump lover. For me it was just her and her only. Even the club members said that they haven’t seen her for so long. She just came and disappeared. No one knew where she was and at what condition she would have been. I was so disheartened. I lost her for nothing. I searched for her whereabouts but fruitless. The old nerd was slowly rising again. I was so depressed.Weeks passed. On a gloomy Sunday morning, I was sitting beside the window. The climate was with me. It was raining heavily at an unusual period of the year. I was looking down the streets, and became nostalgic about what happened months ago. Tears rolled down as I was imagining myself dancing with her in the road. Suddenly, I heard a faint noise of phone ringing. I could realize my mom picking up the phone and answering. It was none of my interest. But suddenly my mom was calling my name and said that a friend of mine named Jasmine was on the line. Literally, I flew to answer the phone. I said, “Hello.” A very common voice was answering Sahil, Sahil. It didn’t appear Jasmine’s voice. So common voice but just can’t figure it out. The whole scenario changed suddenly.Alas! I was dreaming. My mom was shouting at me to wake up. I watched my cell phone, it was the alarm that was ringing and I could also hear the downpour outside. It was blur but I could see my thick specs on the table. I felt like falling down from the roof. The old nerd in me was still alive, the same like before. It was just a dream and it will remain a dream for a guy like me forever. I felt so low. I wore my specs and stood before the mirror. I could see my red eyes. But they caught something so new to me. I started feeling very nice and good from inside. I felt like as if a new life was about to kick off inside me. A kind of fresh energy and confidence was boosted inside me. Thanks to her. May be she was just in a dream, but she was living with me in reality now. This time I wasn’t pretending to smile but was smiling in fact. The same smile that my dear Jasmine had. #szn
Posted on: Mon, 04 Nov 2013 12:43:02 +0000
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