ive been told that some of my posts show the transparent vulnerability of wearing my emotions on my sleeve for all to read and this one isnt going to be any different lol i do consider my fb page to be my blog of sorts and what better audience than all the friends ive made from all over the world than through here?! I never intended fb to become this. My very first post was of a desperate mother brand new to social media posting a picture of my son whom at that time i believed was a missing child and asked if any one had any information to please get in contact with me. i believed he had been an endangered runaway and it had been over 2 years since i had last seen him. This brought me in touch with family members who also had missing children and we commiserated with each other and shared tips on locating our missing loved ones. About 9 months ago on what i refer to as The Worst Day Of My Life i found out the truth and that my son was never missing but was killed on that 1st day that he didnt come home. John has never given me a hard time or felt jealous of the time ive spent on fb because he knows that this has enabled me to utilize this place, not only as an outlet to vent my emotions, but as a place to help others who have suffered the loss of a child as well. In a sense this has become my calling and these pages have become my missionary field to bring a glimpse of light to others that are now walking the same path that i have and am currently walking and as so many before me have walked. On The Worst Day Of My Life i had gotten an email from a guy that i used to date who knew me well enough to know that i might be hurting bad enough that suicide may look like an option that i was considering once the horror of what had happened to my son began to sink in. Although he lived 2 1/2 hours away he kept a steady flow of emails in my box and figuratively walked me through that time, day after day, sometimes minute after minute. Had that been Johns sole reason for reentering my life, my gratitude for his support would be eternally appreciated. Every now and then his emails would, against my better wishes, sometimes bring a smile to my face but i wasnt able to laugh at anything at that point. Eventually i remembered just how much sheer joy i used to have back when we dated a year earlier and began to kick myself in the butt wondering why i had ever let him go! He knew. He understood. He knew the depression i was drowning in by not knowing the answers as to where my little boy had disappeared to was eating me up and consuming the life out of me. He let me go but every now and then he would check up on me. Sometimes without my knowledge but through my pages of fb. And before i knew it, he was courting me again one email after another and this time it clicked. Ive been told that i am to be admired for standing by him while he is in treatment but to do so is barely a fraction of what he has given me. okay...long post over :P
Posted on: Mon, 09 Jun 2014 02:06:44 +0000
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