no one has loved me like you and no one has left me like you i would write your name on paper that crumbled the crows would come from far away skies to tell me about you i would bite the walls like sugar and there were thin layers of melancholy like lemon upon my days i would drink memories of you in stiff, small tea cups constantly constantly constantly but you would not come even though the wind would crash your name upon my face and the doors would close in front of me and the hours would deafeningly scream why did you not come why did you not come back why did you not come why did you not come back i found your photo on the internet i kissed your transparent spine and slid my finger over your ear now as i want to remember my face, i remember your profile upon the background of an unformed and inanimate society then you came in short sleeves, then you did not come in a long coat i did not see how you are cold in the winter i did not manage to warm your hands i didn’t sing for you i didn’t read for you we only spoke for a long time for a long time you were hurting in my mind you were rotting in my tooth my legs would get weak and your absence hurt inside my body and no drug knew of your existence the trees would whisper your name and turn green in front of my eyes having not slept for nights and seeing poorly, my eyes would get better through your name and start to see clearly the the letters and even the number of the bus approaching the station your name would be written on papers in the appearance of my scratchy signature and what difference does it make if it’s your name or mine you know me too well better than all better than all it has never been warm beside erased and empty words and it won’t be you were my warmest place i would have lost weight for you i would have groomed my skin and nails i would have become the most beautiful for you how ugly i am forgive me that you will never come back again i will look for you inside of adolescent girls and be mistaken i will look for you inside of men and not find you and my heart will ache unbearably from your missing i will cry when speaking about children and i will alienate everyone because without you they don’t matter to me because you were about them but they are not about you not about you why did you freeze in my glass tea-cup why do you not sing anymore laying in the dirt-water of your absence i shiver bending my fingers names, next to whom it was warm upon whose breast my frozen fingers have melted and dripped inside through the body and the sudden shocks inside the registered universe and the revolutions: bloody, snowy, rainy and the princes that slide down or cling to thrones with a frozen behind don’t amount to a pear’s tail when you are this far away and you have gone somewhere even further than the water’s depth and if i turn off the light and perpetually touch the darkness you won’t be there and my unfolding light will not kiss the thin edged blue veins on your forehead your arm your breast it would not have been easy with you, but without you is also not a thing it is not a thing that’s why i speak of you for a long time a very long time so that you may dismantle, get thin, become dust, go away from the capillaries of my words tongue lips nose go far go just go my skin my bone my heart-muscle pain and cramped hand don’t go, but go don’t stay, but stay let me cover you with a blanket kiss you and then go Hasmik Simonian
Posted on: Thu, 22 Aug 2013 09:38:22 +0000