sad It is ridiculously difficult to tell someone that you suffer from postpartum depression, let alone the much more rare postpartum psychosis. People say that they understand. It`s lies. You cannot tell me that you understand when you look at me with such disdain. I should feel so many ways, but it seems I feel the opposite. I should be so in love with this kid, but I only feel resentment. I should feel pride when she learns a new gesture, but I`m indifferent. I should be filled with joy when she smiles and says Mama, but instead I feel a deep hatred. How dare she call me that. I should feel the need to stop her crying to make her feel better, but I just want her to shut up. When she cries, I know I shouldn`t scream back... But I feel like I`m not in control and I do.. My -support system- just pays for things, doesn`t seem to actually care.. Called him, told him a situation had arisen at home and I shouldn`t be alone.. and two hours later, still alone.. Thinking about leaving. Be it with physically removing myself or suicide, I haven`t decided yet. Sometimes it is nice to talk anonymously, because if no one knows who you are, they can only judge what they have read, not the person behind it. Please.. If you know anyone that says that they so much as dislike their baby, don`t ask them what is wrong with them, don`t give them dirty looks.. You make things worse in doing so.Yes, I had a therapist, but she wasn`t helping.. My doctor prescribed me birth control for my suicidal thoughts.. I`ve reached out, and I am done. These `professionals`have done nothing for me. I was but a vessel for this little life.. I`ve done my part.
Posted on: Sat, 23 Aug 2014 05:43:19 +0000
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