sharing :)Sometimes we lose people because they choose to leave us. Rejection is one of the most painful experiences we go through. The feeling that you gave someone your heart—and in some cases, years of your time and your care and your energy—and theyve decided theyd rather move forward without you, can be so devastating. If betrayal is involved, its even more painful.But heres the thing. If someone couldnt see you anymore, if they couldnt recognize the gift that you are in all your uniqueness, then its good that they freed you. If they did it in an awful way, thats part of their journey, and a reflection of where theyre at in their own development. It is not a reflection on you, or your worthiness to be loved. Hurt people, hurt people as the saying goes.Not everyone communicates well, and some people let their fear and rage and resentment boil up until one day they explode. The explosion can look like turning to someone else, or taking off, or any number of things. And dont get me wrong here, its never one persons fault when a relationship ends.You always have to take a look at your own participation. Maybe you bent over backwards trying to make things work. Maybe you accepted poor treatment for too long. Maybe you tried to sell yourself and the other person on how amazing you are, and how great things were. But that isnt love. Thats manipulation, as painful as it may be to own that.When we try to convince or manage or control, were refusing to accept reality as it is; were refusing to deal with the truth of the other person. Dont ever sell yourself. Youre priceless. One-of-a-kind in seven billion people. If someone cant recognize the miracle you are, truly, release yourself. We all deserve to be seen and understood and cherished. You may need to learn to do those things for yourself, first.Sometimes our hearts are broken because our plan gets turned upside down, or because we feel trapped by the picture we had in our heads of how things should be. Wise people have been writing about the nature of life and the incredible ability of the heart to both break and open for centuries. Rumi has a beautiful quote, The wound is the place where the light enters you. Or, as Leonard Cohen once said, There is a crack in everything, thats how the light gets in. And one more from Rose Kennedy, It has been said, Time heals all wounds. I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone. You cant save people, or manage their paths, or use your will to make everything okay. All you can do is love people, with your whole heart, for as long as theyre with you.Its crucial to understand when your heart is broken, you can let the experience harden you, or soften you. Theres great power in recognizing your own vulnerability, in surrendering to it. Because youll never take anyone for granted, nor will you lose sight of the gift of each day, of each breath, of each opportunity you have to tell and to show the people you love, how you feel.In the meantime, if youre grieving the loss of someone you dont think you can live without, or the ending of a relationship, or the plan youve been working for so long, the only way through it is through it. Allow yourself to feel your feelings, all of them.If youre enraged, thats how it is right now. If youre in despair, open to it and allow it. No one can tell you how long you need to grieve, thats a journey only you can take, and no one can tell you how to do it. But denial is pointless, and so is numbing out.If you look back on your life, youll realize the most painful times have also been the ones that taught you the most. There are some lessons we dont want to learn, some wed do anything to give back. But we dont get to choose. Our power lies in our response to what it is that were given.Give yourself whatever time and space you need, but also be willing to ask for help. If youre trying to help someone whos grieving, advice isnt it. We all need each other, after all. Sending love and healing to you and your beautiful heart. May it open and open and open. WITH LOVE
Posted on: Tue, 05 Nov 2013 22:27:33 +0000
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