sooo, yesterday began as a typical day...woke up to the BEASTs horrendous breath so i would take him out for our daily park stroll; then the usual deep-cleaning routine—you know...baseboard scrubbing, floor washing, wooden blinds scrubbing, waxing the furniture and cleaning the stained-glass on the lamps...blah, blah, blah. then shopping, and if you know me, i talk to strangers ... i even used to chit-chat with other parents at the kids games (i missed my daughters FIRST 3-POINT BASKET from center court...or so the moms and dads around me told me with their mouths hanging in awe...yeah, awe — thats a whole nother story). where was i? oh, yeah...shopping for groceries ... then going home and putting everything in its place, then i went to my nephews baseball game and thats when i learned that a can of soup is considered TWO SERVINGS. sooo, the stranger talking to me just dropped this bomb, without topic introduction and once my stranger-talker saw my eyes widen in surprise, i could tell it thrilled her and then she zapped me again... Go ahead. Guess how many potato chips are a serving. Go ahead. Um, a bag? Nope. TEN. Ten chips make up a serving. Holy Hardening of the Arteries! i glanced at the bag in my hand i just bought from the concession stand and realized i had been eating a quantity of chips in an amount set aside for the Trojan Army. it was obvious my Friend for The Moment liked shocking me...and she had a live wire with this next volt of knowledge— Youll never guess how much pasta is a serving. it was one of those AHA moments...i just knew that a soup-bowl full would be enough for a family of four, not just a bored aunt at 11 a.m. YAY!!! i was right because she affirmed a single serving of pasta is 1 cup—cooked. it was one of those moments when i realized my new friend was totally in thrall giving me what I call the TERROR SH*TS. what in the world? and portion sizes for whom? i mean, who eats like a little hamster? was all i could think. YES...I AM AN ANIMATED PERSON...MY EMOTIONS ARE CLEARLY EXPRESSED ON MY FACE so it didnt take much more facial grimacing from me to encourage a stream of terrifying food single serving horror stories from BLEACHER PAL. rice that fits into a tennis ball is a single serving bread the size of a CD case is a single serving broccoli the shape of a light bulb is a single serving a cute little computer mouse portion of potatoes is all one person needs! Stop! i begged her, my hand up and all, Please Stop! she couldnt. food facts flowed out of her like a long suppressed volcano. side by side 9-V batteries worth of cheese is all your butt needs! EVEN IN WISCONSIN, i wondered? it was making me feel like crawling under the covers and eating velveeta....out of the box! she began talking faster. only seven cotton balls worth of melon! her voice was rising in pitch and i gave a sidelong look at the pitcher on the mound...my nephew! peanut butter no more than a ping pong ball dollop! her curly hair was beginning to straighten around her flushed face. ONE THUMB TIP OF DRESSING IS ALL YOU CAN PUT ON YOUR SAAAALLLAAADDD!! okay, okay, i told her. i got it...and i wondered it that would cover 2 or 3 pieces of lettuce and 1 tomato slice bite. she stopped. heaved out a heavy breath. she was spent. i handed over my bag of chips to her. I cant, i said, I cant finish these. Thank you so much for letting me know, I had no idea. Thank you. no problem, she assured me, tucking the chips into her brown leather travel bag and i watched her generously wander over to the next bleacher and watched someone else gingerly close the cover to their book and i noticed...the book reader was about to tear open into her Golden Kettle-cooked chips. my food friend arrived just in time, and within seconds, i recognized the open-mouthed terror-stricken look of receiving the commandments of Single Serving Size Food. just 2 minutes later, and in the same way i had just done, i saw the book-reading woman surrender her bag of chips to our Food Facts Yogi. at the end of the 2-hour game, i caught sight of our food professor as she left the gym.... with her bag bulging with yellow bags of chips, Skittles, and Kit Kat bars. what a Good Samaritan, willing to take on the dangers of portion sizes for us. the world really is made up of every-day heroes. then i saw her in her car and holding someones open bag of chips and chomping away. later, i learned that police said they followed a trail of discarded candy and chips wrappers that led them to the snack begger....but, what an edifying way of begging! the real hero yesterday was my daughter — who went to get a bag of ice for me when i got hit in the upper arm (worse than any knuckle punch) with a foul ball from another field and temporarily lost my breath.
Posted on: Sun, 16 Mar 2014 15:05:39 +0000
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