starting with word " bad guy dosent mean really bad. its just they dont know how to distribute they creativity in positive way" ... this word I heard from my teacher and some character in anime... and I really Undestand whats its mean now. right now I fell like my head breaking apart because I cant channeling what on my mind on my drawing. yeah right now I really stress... because I cant draw, the reason? prety simple.............. there is always some body behind me when I drawing. this is really simple thing but bring a huge disaster for me. I hope with sharing this there is no body like me having this kind of thing again and also knowing why the diference and the important aspect about having own room to working. for most likely common people drawing is the kid activity wich just bring some pen and crayon, draw it on piece of paper and finish. its not a part who people cal an a "job" its just a mere activity. so they dont give serious atention about what we need. for me, drawing is like put your soul into some media. I put everything on my mind in the art. what happend to me now is every morning they gather togahter in dinning room and then spend all day in there, turn on the radio really loud and then chat about the hot gossip what around happend recently and some time bring anoying topic. I know its just normal for a fammilly doing that. but I has told them about "I need contcentration in drawing" thats why in the past I turn my computer desk facing the wall so I can draw more easyly with out having strange felling people starring me. psychology problem you can say that. its just something some time that need serious attention, its not visible and you must seek it in deep into hearth to find out what it is and find the cure... people changging their behavior because they wantted attention, they want some changging in their current condition. after I go home from KKN (some task from collage go to really small vilage ) around 2 Month my computer desk position is change back facing the dinning room. at the first time I dont really get disturb because my fammilly not come back from jakarta. but after 2 week, they coming back.. and there is startning this mind disaster. at the first week my period in drawing is drop drasticly. the hour I have drawing is really tinny. the gap betwen crowd time and productive time is really small. to much crowd time because around 7-13pm my parent there doing anytihng and since they have android tablet they always online there right in my back and some time staring at my monitor. thats bring me strange chill feeling... and its destroying my mind, I cant formulate about body construction, the body gesture become really stiff. and my mind fellt like frezz. and around 14-23 am there is my brother or sister coming down and fill the productive time gap.playing game or what ever activity there. oh God... this is really anoying me... and then next week again and again activity like this bring me some bad mind. and last week my mind is breaking because I restrain my will to drawing. I keep restrain and restrain it until my head fell so hot and dizzy. I just want to draww~~~!!!! the problem its not stop here. there is some "fammily" problem again we face.and its adding more and more stress on my mind and after that when I try to drawing again I having a heavy artblock. I dont know why its more likely I lost my ability, even drawing head proportion... and what the most make me mad is my father closing to me and say this "hey dont always sit down on front computer, youre brain will be stupid" WHAT THE !!! I really mad because this is a job. dont you see it? why you guys cant understand this is really a path I chose... I has tired saying "I need concentration in drawing" its need more serious attention because parrent must know there is a time they will pass rod about " load breadwinners ". its just fell like a ballet. when we dance we put our soul into a movement we hear about the music rytme and dance all with our hearth. same like a drawing. we dance in the tip of our pen... we brusing the collor with our soul and put it into a piece of art work. and what happend now its simmpely like when we dance you bring a radio there. playing a dangdut music or rock music, and chating there and laughing or mad yelling about something. who will not loose their concentration ? maybe some people its not effected but well lets see now. manny pro mangaka or artist when they become full artist they having they own room. and I bet they do that because the reason they need more concentration.same as me now. and its also not simple problem and end here. there is another chain that cause frome here. I cant meet the deadline. there is manny artowrk I miss on this MO. because this small stupid reason. there is some trust we hold as the artist and we keep our word about we can finish the artwork within the time. and after I thingking it more ,I having more stress. its not for my own sake. the commissioner who ask me about the commission is also they have own schedule. they also seeking money from their own job. if I late its feelllikely holding their working time. its bring a huge disaster to another people!!!. and also the schedule of my collage. the time that I should use it for collage now its breaking and mess apart. I dont know what I should I do because on that time I use it on drawing a commission, but its end up faill and faill because this stupid reason. if its my friend who undesrtand art I dont mind. but if common people who stare me. its bring me a strange chill. I try to use headhpone and maxing the volume. but my head really hurth a lot and I fell dizzy after that. so for every body who read this, if you want to become artist, I really recomend you to having youre own room. its okay if you can keep youre concnetration, but most of people just cant drawing in that mess situation. I will make another change on this week for this stiuation. I cant keep down likethis. its just ruining my live. also can bring another people a disaster. I just love drawing and I want to drawing . thats all sorry if this vent distrub you . I just want to vent what I think so I can relase a little about my stress. I really sorry for that and thaknyou so much
Posted on: Mon, 09 Sep 2013 11:36:36 +0000