the new age books and others talk about not blocking the pain but letting it come through you to do its job; i dont know about you but i couldnt block the pain when it comes if i tried- the pain tears right through my body like a train ripping up the ground raging through a mountain side and it comes right out of me too sometimes i scream and pound things sometimes i just cry and cry and cry but always i do not block it i feel it and experience it fully; afterwards i am exhausted but maybe a little renewed as well and i feel thankful that at this time in my life there are moments of aloneness in my own little house that i can experience my pain without fear of how those around me that think because i am a mother i am beyond human might be effected, for i suppose if i look closely there were years when the pain did have to be blocked to a degree, though i always felt it inside and knew it intimately - it had to be blocked from coming out in the name of responsibility to the ones who need to see me sane and serene, maybe thats when the pain was doing damage on the inside and turning into a need for neck surgery or causing a slow burning of my heart and stomach, and before that it had to be blocked because my daddy saw it as weakness and just might give me something to cry about if I let him see my pain (which mirrored his own and frightened him), so wow yes maybe what I am going through now is old old pain showing up in new situations that must be released and do its work while I am able to and required to experience it in all its fury and feel it in all its power coursing through me in a way that leaves me limp like a leaf that has fallen from the tree on a late November evening; is this pain part of the transformation that occurs in the cocoon and as the leaf returns to the ground and as fire wipes out the old? Yes answered the queen.
Posted on: Sat, 15 Nov 2014 14:14:23 +0000
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