this month at Panera i got a free cherry danish just for being sweet and - possibly - adorable. a friend painted me and gave me the most handsome eyes and made me feel like a Dove Beauty Commercial. i used gift cards from my birthday to feel like the king of dunkin donuts, even when my bank account had five bucks in it. dollars to donuts indeed. strangers became friends. friends became family. family became friends. i got to speak at Lincoln Center as an expert on working with transient populations. during my presentation i sang along to a Beyonce song and told the stories of our kids. i painted myself as an act of love. i cried and laughed and flirted with grocery store clerks and handsome men and not handsome men. i cried spontaneously during rainstorms, and while watching a mom hold her sleeping son in a subway pieta. i stepped through grace and caught the fringe of it in my periphery and felt honored. i unplugged grindr, then my computer entirely. i sat alone at 3 AM and made friends with demons and the monsters under my bed. i gave art and plants and advice and Presence away because it is effusive and i am a well and not a bucket. i apologized and made amends. i baked and listened and ate and quoted. i cut people off and then cut myself off and after all that verbal pruning, new chutes emerged. i am so grateful for this body. i am so fat and so broke and so sore and so grateful because i get to say all those things. thank you everyone for showing up. you are the Dalai Lama and the Dolly Partons and the Salvador Dalis of my life.
Posted on: Thu, 17 Jul 2014 00:17:29 +0000
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