(this years holiday story) THE WEIGHT OF DONNA ANNE BLITZEN donna anne blitzen was thin as a rail a glamour puss model - dramatic and pale she ate only lettuce, celery and kale - the dial spun backwards on her bathroom scale she had a small frame, with just a slight taper and hardly a curve - she was flat as white paper hunger meant nothing – it would simply escape her but if she felt peckish, she’d feast on a caper thanksgiving put her in a terrible mood if invited to dinner, she tried not to be rude but dinner parties to donna, were just wasted food so she’d simply decline with much gratitude then one november, at her favorite store, they were having a sale on all their haute couture she found a big coat that dragged down to the floor it was covered in buttons and bangles galore it was something that could have come out of dior donna tried on the coat and shouted “j’adore!” she plopped down her plastic and sashayed out the door a holiday chill was waiting outside and in her new coat, donna would glide with her nose in the air, her gait simply implied that she was a glamorous diva inside wrapped up in herself, and the coats knit brocade she never saw the police barricade that closed down the street with a giant blockade because of the yearly thanksgiving parade lots of clowns where there acting like silly buffoons big floats inspired by children’s cartoons marching bands playing some big brassy tunes and of course there were all the inflated balloons massive balloons that were all oversize of cats with long tails, top hats and bow ties of big yellow kids with big bulgy eyes of planets and moons and stars from the skys and each one was held down by some big burly guys the balloons of course wavered and swayed in the breeze much to the delight of parade attendees but the balloon ropes were held very tight with great ease by the big burly guys, with forearms like trees donna continued in her promenade, and barely took note of the giant blockade she walked into the middle of that big parade oblivious to the mistake that she made she was quickly harassed by the clowning brigade donna anne blitzen became quite dismayed, and a little confused and somewhat afraid donna found her predicament quite a surprise she stumbled about – the crowd watched with wide eyes as she ended up with the big burly guys who all looked at her and her delicate size “she’s gonna get killed,” each one would surmise then things started getting completely bizarre donna was trapped like a bug in a jar beneath a balloon that was shaped like a star (this occurrence would leave an emotional scar) and that’s when it happened – she was caught in a tangle when one of the ropes - at just the right angle - managed to snare on some button or bangle – and from the balloon, the crowd saw donna dangle the burly guys held tight to the swaying balloon and along came a wind that was like a typhoon they were forced to let go, and it wasn’t too soon before donna was floating straight up to the moon all caught up in the ropes and her haute couture shroud she looked terrified flying over the crowd and at 90 feet up, she yelled something out loud – but by then she was hushed by a cumulous cloud up donna went, she just floated away vanished into thin air on that thanksgiving day ensnared to a star like some slim stowaway and people still wonder “how much did she weigh?” the moral, i guess, to this holiday tale is moving the needle on your bathroom scale it doesn’t mean bust your gut - you’re not a blue whale but don’t be blown away by a big gusty gale chow down on your turkey, your stuffing, and pies feast on some pizza and pasta and fries there is always next year to lose weight off your thighs enjoy the holiday season, whatever your size
Posted on: Tue, 23 Dec 2014 23:54:24 +0000
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