#triggerwarning #tw #subpost #profanity #rant #suicide I wrote most of this a few nights ago when I wasnt doing very well. I find myself more and more exhausted every single day by the world. Something really important to make clear right away is Ill never be a danger to myself or deliberately put myself in danger. Its a promise I made to myself during the first lowest part of my life. Regardless I worry a lot more about what will become of me in the future. I worry Ill someday become a lifeless husk simply going from day to day with no meaning. I worry about living lifelessly in hatred of every moment. Even without it guaranteed I dread it. Part of the reason Im hurting right now is because another trans girl killed herself. Ive been stressed and strung out since vacation. Ive had no mental energy to do much of anything and my dysphoria has been worse then its ever been. Ive barely been able to manage recovering for the next week each weekend. When Im able to manage some self care during the night after work Im usually able to manage being helpful to others some. Ive been troubled by it being harder and harder lately. At this point I had basically lost the line of thought I was following thus making some of the hashtags pointless.
Posted on: Thu, 22 Jan 2015 04:55:50 +0000