very sad events for bobby. gilly left this afternoon. i am not sure what is going on or what i did. i had no idea she was leaving, she left me a note but it is hurtful and hard to read. what hurts worst of all is her writing that i loved you deeply - many things killed it and then she writes (temper and control issues) with an arrow back to many things. the note seems very agitated (not really surprising...) and mentions a number of her concerns; those i wish we could have discussed. for example i was unaware that what she calls money issues are so entangled in her discontent. she says she still cares but feels deceived, but i cannot fathom anything she wasnt shown or told, there wasnt anything not shared with her. she even helped me going thru financial records of every sort. i cannot name anything that she wanted done or not in which i did not accede to her stated desire. i do have a temper alright, i been fighting that for a lifetime. but i never struck her nor threatened to do so, and while i understand it may have nonetheless been unpleasant, i didnt holler at her so much as to her, my hollering was virtually always about other things like my samsung phone or the government. apparently she was more disturbed by tone than content, i do get loud sometimes. she wrote that sorry. need to go. not working for my personality i need to be out doing. seeing. moving. and this isnt for me - need to be with my family my daughter needs me now - i need to get another career going. but today i just dont know what happened. just earlier she was talking about dinner and packaging jewelry. she brought me breakfast in bed this morning, said she thought i was doing good on the PeaceLeaf jewelry, i was up all night. i played more with that and this afternoon she brought me a lunch, told her i was done with pix for now time to post the items on etsy and our website. sometime later i made a comment about asking if someone would be willing to help pay for school here. she basically said no, so i said well perhaps i should ask them. whoa! real hot under the collar like i havent seen often at all! i said whoa, dont get upset, you know i am not gonna ask them anything without your participation. awhile after that i think she said she was taking mick outside for a bit. no absolute idea of how much time later, i glanced in the living room, no gilly no mick. so i figured to text tell her i was gonna get in the shower, go to the bedroom to get my phone, and find her note along with some of the credit cards and couple of hundred dollar bills that i had given her and that were supposed to be her emergency wallet money. i dont know what besides mick and her car that she left with, but in the note she says there are two boxes left in the garage she wants me to send to the address she wrote. she left a lot of obviously personal stuff, family pictures that are out and about, but she took lots of other stuff, family papers and such, that were in various places, drawers and the like, and it seems that must have taken some time to gather. so i am sorry to feel like this has been planned and done over more than this afternoon. not a pleasant suspicion at all. finally she says if i follow/call/text/email/facebook she will retaliate against me and some friends in an unpleasant fashion and she wants me to keep her and her daughter on the health insurance for another eight months, then file or do whatever to cut me off - i wont fight it - or cite mental cruelty. she says i was deeply hurt. gotta go / cant live like this and im scared of you - sorry. you need to find that love you have and expel the hate - its scary! i love gilly more than anything but i dont know what to do. whatever i did, i didnt do it with evil intentions. i would like her to be happy, but i would like her to be happy with me. and this is way different than going out to nevada to look after the daughter, or even going to a residency for school out there. so i am very disheartened right now, heartbroken actually. it is tragic that i left her feeling like she had to leave, and even worse that she felt like she had go under cover without a goodbye. it is all very sad. i am praying she will soften her heart and come home.
Posted on: Fri, 18 Jul 2014 04:31:54 +0000
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