when the hospice nurse comes you can see her experience. she understands that you maintain dignity by offering choices. she asked my mil if she could take her blood pressure & waited until she said sure. we both knew she had to take the bp but she was courteous enough to treat her like a person & not just something to be taken care of. she also very sincerely looks at me & asks how are You doing?. in my brain is i was doing fine until you asked :) but i tell her i am fine, good support systems & we are working on getting used to this transition but she has used hospice herself in the past & i can tell by her body language that she heard my voice deepen as i tighten my throat to keep my tears caged where they belong. i really am fine but hospice days are still unsettling to bruce & i. hospice represents death. the nurse & i also discussed how our journey is very different from the experience of many of our friends. most of them hadnt done long term care in their homes, learning & transitioning from one stage to another, preparing to go to the end. learning in the past meant healing & attempting to make things better which feels different than just keeping someone comfortable. not bad or wrong but different. we all feel sadness or anger or grief but no one warns you about the feelings you just cant put your finger on. bruce & i have learned that it it possible to get used to anything & we will this too. it just hasnt been the instant easy acceptance i guess we both expected. you can also do what you know to be the right thing & still not have it be easy to swallow. well take a deep breath & navigate this too.
Posted on: Thu, 23 Oct 2014 19:50:18 +0000
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