yesterday, my friend Mia Cara reminded me that my sons birthday was also my Birthing Day. i feel surprised i didnt even clue in to that. since then, ive felt an enormous wave of raw emotion tsunami itself through my psyche. on January 16, 2012, a hole tore in the veil between this world and another and my exuberant, healthy baby boy ambled into the world. layer after layer of me-as-maiden burned away and i was left naked, trembling and exhausted in a pile of my own ashes. it goes without saying that a child brings in with him or her unexplainable amounts of joy and love. my heart is forever, over and over, falling in love with this little being, and with his co-creator/father. it is also true that for me-as-mother, my eyes are clearer, my NO is fiercer, my arms are stronger, my pleasure is wider, my pride in myself and in him is deeper ... yet all this was born from what died in me that day. but my Birthing Day (and i know for most other mothers, too, even though we dont talk much about it) was about death as much as life. if ive learned anything about the wisdom of the fertile void of deaths it is to stand firm and lean into the emotions washing over me like crashing waves. to wait until the lessons appear like diamonds out of the soil. to know that another aspect of my strength and softness is to come. and, to repeat like a mantra... death: we cannot live without it.
Posted on: Mon, 19 Jan 2015 19:51:01 +0000
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