you know whats hard? divorce. its hard on everyone it touches, even the therapist. it has this confusing and disorienting and unexpected affect. it divides. it hurts. it pulls apart. and then, if there are people to blend, everyones roles get shaken, changed. what once was, is no longer. everyone begins searching for a new way to fit in, a new way to feel significant, a new way to feel needed. sometimes its the daughter who lost her place with her daddy when the new woman graced his life. and sometimes its the son who lost his place protecting his mom when the new man walked in to save her. and maybe its the weekend parent who feels guilty, yet free, and tries to solidify his/her love for his/her children by buying their love or letting them flounder around immature and unprotected. or maybe its the new parent who has stepped into the role of creating cohesion and respect and boundaries - for the first time within the home. so heres what i have for you today: parents - step back, take a breath, and take some time to discern what you have to offer the home youve found yourself in. it most likely isnt the way you had hoped, or maybe even imagined. but you - yes, you - have something very important, very unique, very needed to offer the family you have under your roof. its not going to be everything, but its something. something that only you can offer. something that you can offer well. what is that? what is your gift as a parent/step-parent? ask God to show you what that is, and then focus on that. and the rest? the other stuff you desperately long for your children to know and learn and be taught? it will come. probably by other people. and probably sometime, somewhere really meaningful in your childs life. i know it did for me. the things that were lacking in my home, i found other places. in other people. they offered themselves, their gifting, their uniqueness to me. and you know what? it complemented and added to the unique gifting i had received from my parents. but it took time. spiritual formation, emotional and mental maturity, learning how to embody whats inside of you - it takes time. so take the pressure off yourself to figure it all out, to get everyone on the same page, to get the ex off your back, and be you - the BEST you - to those in your home. and let your heart smile because you know youre offering something so important, so unique, so needed, to your family. oh, and remember...in order for redemption to take place, brokenness has to exist. #therapistthoughts
Posted on: Tue, 05 Aug 2014 01:44:47 +0000
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