you see, in my life, i have walk my chest out saying that i never ever going to regret things i have done in my life, it turns out that, deep in my heart there are things i regret doing and i knew nothing that i could do to fix it. And in my life i LIED most of the time.The only truth my tounge speaks is lies most of the time.its hard for me to be my real self, or too even know my real self.Ive been busy surviving.and that is one of it, which i feel sorry to my self , and how i regret creating TRILLIONS of lies before.I just couldnt be honest But lately and now, i wanted to be me.I want to be honest with myself, after all this years living in a lie.I wanted to be true.and do things i will be proud of with no regret in the right way. When i said this, it is understood if most will actually asked in their heart "was she telling the truth when she spoke with me before? did she really take me as friend truly?" and etc...Im sorry if i cant remember what have i told you , but one things for sure, if i dont like you i wont tag along , ill try to avoid you, so ppl who i still tag along with worry not.. I dont know now is it because im too weak that i accepted my flaws and mistakes or i had become strong to face it and admit mistakes ive done and try to live life better. I am terrified to make the first step for my next big thing. I am scared of all the sequences and benefits i would face of the change.Sometimes how i wish i could actually reach THE REAL me and ask her who is she truly. Sometimes after i wrote it here, i just dont know what to do, or to who i could talk my heart out and to give me wise advice what and what to do next or to reminds me softly ,so i just forget about it and live my life as usual, the way i shouldnt. Sometimes it feels stupid to complain and to let your finger run to the keyboard, broadcasting your problems, letting strangers so called friend on facebook that you never say hi to read your post just to be heard. i talk to my creator,it feels good.alhamdullah, but lonely in away but then i just wish i could also talk to a person that could actually TRY to understand my situation and me even 0.0001%
Posted on: Wed, 17 Jul 2013 03:57:02 +0000
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