## Adopted Children and NeuraSonic Adopted people who need our help, share some common characteristics. The main ones are: * A sense of inner void, * A difficult social adjustment * A difficulty relating to the adoptive parent, * A problem with authority figures, * A lack of physical and/or emotional closeness (not affectionate, dislike of physical signs of affection) The most common of these characteristics is an ambivalent parent - child relationship. The child usually seeks their attention in such a way that the parent reacts negatively. In other words, the child “asks” the parent to reject him/her over and over again. This attitude is first directed towards the parent(s) and later affects siblings, particularly if they are natural and/or younger children. Then, at the age of puberty, these “home” problems extend to the school and social environment. Later in life they can seriously affect an intimate as well as a working relationship. In our experience, helping an adopted child necessitates counseling sessions with the adoptive parents. Both parents need to understand their child and they need each others support to change their pattern of response. Invariably parents start explaining through an array of examples that their child is hard on them, does not respect them, does not like them. “this child just hates us” commented one of them. Then, they talk about the ill feeling and guilt generated by their overreactions: “We feel so bad afterwards, but there is nothing we can do. He makes us lose our temper each and every time”. The guilt is often reinforced by the underlying belief of not having been able to have a child makes them inadequate parents. “We could not have a child. It perhaps means that we were not meant to be a parent”. Our response is: “It is not you that the child tries to reach, but through you, the person he has been abandoned by, therefore, there is nothing to feel bad or guilty about”. This statement always has a very strong impact on the adoptive parent. From there, I move on to the next step: “there is something in your son that is hurting and you are the first person in whom he can confide the pain. Because there are no words to explain such early memories, expressing the pain translates into “being a pain”. When the adoptive parents understand that the rejection-seeking behavior of their child is in fact his way to seek the love of the adoptive parents, their role and purpose as parents switches radically. The “hated and rejected” parent quickly becomes the healer, the one who is able to ease the pain of the child. Reminding the parents over and over again not to take personally the child’s negative actions and reactions will be the underlying theme of the counseling sessions with the parents during the child’s program with NeuraSonic. This involvement of the parents and child is usually experienced as a new discovery of one another and, often, as a starting point of a new synergy between the two. Furthermore, the parents involvement means for the child that he is no longer the only one in the family who is “on the spot” because of his problems.
Posted on: Wed, 27 Aug 2014 05:15:52 +0000
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