10 Tips to looking and feeling really OLD: 1)Pay to look like anyone but yourself. Dye your hair, get a wig, get Botox, have plastic surgery… the works. Then take a good look in the mirror. 2)When rising in the morning, pay attention to every ache and pain. Proceed to medicate. 3)At all costs, DON’T exercise. Why shake things up? They’re already shaky. 4)Don’t clean house, do laundry, or clean the car. What’s the point? No one’s coming over and you aren’t going anywhere. 5)Whatever you do, don’t talk with strangers or smile at people you pass on the street. It might lead to something. 6)Don’t shake hands with anyone, ever. You might get germs. 7)Don’t play Jeopardy, work crosswords, work puzzles, or anything that stimulates your brain. It’ll cause a headache. 8)Absolutely refuse to get or use a computer. They’re full of viruses. 9)Don’t listen to music, especially new stuff. It’s just “noise” anyway and there’s no reason to keep up with young people. 10)Spend your days watching TV, and if you do talk to someone, complain about something! That should do it. Right?
Posted on: Sat, 18 Oct 2014 21:16:39 +0000