A Fathers Diary (12) If marriage is not to make us happy but holy, I think having a family definitely enhance your holiness to the next level. All the husbands and fathers say Amen. Wong Kong Yun and Judy Ng were Lindai and my pre-marital counsellors. They shared their life experiences with us when Lindai and I were serious about getting married. One of the deepest impression that I had on those sessions was when he showed me the mark on the door. We tried to guess but to no avail. He told us it was left behind because of a quarrel he had with Judy. Deep in my heart, I told myself, that would never happen to me though I have seen enough at home too. Well too naive. We did ended having small fights and we also had our broken key press (unfortunately, we did not keep it) and of course not too long ago we did go through one major storm. Oops ... this is not to paint a bleak picture of marriage. There were infinite times that we have to negotiate our differences, commitments and rights so that the harmony is maintained. This ongoing process of negotiation is the process of holiness. You stop yourself from being angry or not so angry and try to listen to your spouses view. You remain committed even though you have never seen that terrible sight of your spouse. You deny your rights so that he/ she can be esteemed. In the Christian context, this is call dying to self or carrying the cross to follow Jesus. Through this process, you become more loving, more patient, more forgiving, more self-control, more self-giving... You become more holy. Let me share one important concept that we need to add into our marriage. This is the concept of grace and mercy. This is something I have learnt from a friend recently. What is the main difference between grace and mercy? Below is an illustration: One day, I drove my mother to the hospital to collect the medication. But I couldnt find a parking lot at the SGH. So I let her off and found somewhere that I could park. However. It was to no avail. Not wanting my mother to wait for too long. I illegally parked the car. I returned shortly and to my horror I received a ticket for the parking offence. I took pictures of the car park is full and wrote into the traffic police with evidence that the offense was not committed due to lack of negligence or diligence. Scenario (A) The police wrote back and have considered the appeal favorably. They have decided to waive the fine and the penalty. This is called mercy. Scenario (B) The police wrote back and have considered the appeal favorably. They have decided to waive the fine and the penalty. On top of it, they have made the arrangement with SGH to arrange for a valet parking especially for me whenever I need to collect the medicine at SGH. This is grace. Penalty removed and yet lavished with a privilege status. Often time in the marriage, we administers the penalty like giving each cold shoulder, demanding our rights.... Why dont we choose to administer grace: to esteem one another, deny our rights and negotiate our differences. We can help each other to be holy and we have also learn to give grace to one another. Kong Yun and Judy, thank you for the legacy that you have left for Lindai and I. Alton Chua and Adeline. thank you for partnering in this new journey.
Posted on: Tue, 02 Sep 2014 07:19:25 +0000
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