A friend posted this, first time seeing this diary post. Thought Id share for others to enjoy. Read on and enjoy a cup if warm goodness while you read. Diary of a Snow Shoveler~~ Day 1 6:00 PM. It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow! Day 2 We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the Whole World? Moving here was the best idea Ive ever had. Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life. Day 3 The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry, well definitely have a white Valentines day. No snow in February would be awful! Bob says well have so much snow by the end of winter, that Ill never want to see snow again. I dont think thats possible. Bob is such a nice man, Im glad hes our neighbor. Day 4 Snow, lovely snow! 8 last night. The temperature dropped to the teens. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didnt realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but Ill certainly get back in shape this way. Day 5 20 forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wifes car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think thats silly. We arent in Alaska, after all. Day 6 Ice storm this morning. Fell on my butt on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like heck. The wife laughed for on hour, which I think was very cruel. Day 7 Temperature is way below freezing. Roads too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I shouldve bought a wood stove, but wont admit it to her. God I hate it when shes right. I cant believe Im freezing to death in my own living room. Day 8 Electricitys back on, but another 14 of the damn stuff last night. More shoveling. Took all day. Darn snowplow came back twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said theyre too busy playing hockey. I think theyre lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and theyre out. Might have another shipment in March. I think theyre lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think hes lying. Day 9 Bob was right about winters here because 13 more inched of the white crap fell today, and its so cold it probably wont melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to poop. By the time I got undressed, pooped, and dressed again, I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter, but he says hes too busy. I think the jerk is lying. Day 10 Only 2 of snow today. And it warmed up to 15. The wife wanted me to clean the porch furniture this morning. What, is she nuts! Why didnt she tell me to clean them months ago and cover them? She says she did but I think shes lying. Day 11 6 snow packed so hard by the snowplow, I broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the man who drives that snowplow Ill drag him through the snow by his nose and beat him to death with my broken shovel. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where Ive just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to watch a romantic movie with her, but I was too busy watching for the snowplow. Day 12 Happy Valentines Day! 20 more inches of the slop tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. I hate snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think shes a fricking idiot. If I have to watch Sleepless In Seattle one more time, Im going to stuff her into the microwave. Day 13 Still snowed in. Why the heck did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. Shes really getting on my nerves. Day 14 Temperature dropped to record low and the pipes froze. Plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him. He only charged me $1400 to replace all my pipes. Day 15 Warmed up to above 18! Still snowed in. THE WITCH is driving me crazy!!! Day 16 Still more snow. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. Thats the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am? Day 17 Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plow driver. Hes now suing me for a million dollars not only for the beating I gave him but also for trying to shove the broken snow shovel up where the sun dont shine. The wife went home to her mother. More snow predicted. Day 18 I set fire to whats left of the house. No more shoveling. Day 19 Feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?
Posted on: Wed, 06 Nov 2013 09:55:38 +0000
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