A story entitled, Mountain Tragedy On the Really Bad Mountain. Its 2am . Im trapped high on a mountain top somewhere in the middle of Andes Mountains! I came here with a group of 7 to explore geological formations that have been here for millions of years, only things have gone tragically wrong! We started climbing three days ago, and with the summit in site, the weather has taken a terrible turn for the worst. Four members of our group have succumb to hypothermia.There is simply nothing left to do but move on. With me, my buddy Jim Lelander, and our climbing guide, a 33 year old Brazilian salsa dancer, Nikki Porfavor, the only ones left. We settle in for what looks like to be a long night. Its white out conditions, an with temperatures at 60 an 70 below zero, I only wish now I would have brought a jacket. This long sleeve shirt aint cuttin it! I take clothes off one of the deceased, Sarah Pinwinkle, a 24 year old geologist from the University of Stanford , who happens to be smoking hot. Her pink jumpsuit fits me snug, but Im not complaining. Im warmer than I was. Her naked body lays next to me in the snow. I cant help but stare. Although shes dead; Shes gorgeous! Her nipples are hard as a rock, mainly because their frozen, but that doesnt stop my penis from Filling with blood and warming itself. I start to feel hunger pains, but theres nothing I can do, my back pack is empty except for two cans of ranch style beans I brought. However that are useless, I had lost the can opener earlier in the blizzard. Frustrated I throw both cans down the mountain. I then sift through my backpack and discover two extra can openers. Im devastated. I also notice that my buddy Jim Lelander is starting to hallucinate. He stands up on the edge of a cliff and starts hollering Im a bird! Im a bird!.... I then holler at Jim, youre not a bird Jim! Even Nikki Porfavor hollers, youre not a bird Jim ! , but its too late, Jim jumps, but Jim doesnt fly. Tragically, Jim doesnt live long enough to find out hes not a bird. With Jim gone, me an Nikki Porfavor look at what to do next. I complain to Nikki Porfavor that my feet are freezing. Its at this point, Nikki Porfavor- a professionally trained survivalist, starts to do something very strange. She walks over to Sarah Pinwinkles naked body and cuts off all her pubic hair off with a knife. She then ask me to pack my boots with Pubic hair. She said the Indians discovered along time ago pubic hair makes the toes warm and fuzzy when tucked in a boot. She was right, my feet were instantly warm just like I was at grandmas house. To be continued.....
Posted on: Thu, 17 Oct 2013 04:41:35 +0000
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