A very generous publisher in Berlin is making a small book of my series of poems SHARKING OF THE BIRDCAGE. Here is the (Soma)tic poetry ritual I did to write the poems, called MOUNT MONADNOCK TRANSMISSIONS: In 1998 my boyfriend Mark Holmes gave me a clear quartz crystal before he went to Tennessee to tend the gardens of a community of artists. It was the last time I would see him alive. He was bound, raped, covered in gasoline and burned to death. I spoke with him on the phone several days before his murder and he told me about a cave he found for meditation, the very cave where his murderers killed him. The police ruled his death a suicide and refused to investigate, and many of our mutual friends believed the police. The coroner and paramedics have always disagreed with the police and use word “victim” on his death certificate. Delinquent Films is making a documentary about my books and life and they also agree that Mark was murdered and that the police are covering it up. More than fifteen years after his brutal death it is a documentary about POETRY that might force an investigation so that Mark’s murderers can finally be brought to justice. I can still remember the day I left the filmmaker’s apartment after they told me that they believed me about Mark being murdered, I felt lighter, grateful, and I burst into tears on the train ride home. In 2013 I was accepted into the MacDowell Colony. Each day I would meditate with the crystal Mark gave me, securing it to my forehead before writing. Alone in the woods I would sit on a rock with my crystal and notebook, staring into the forest, locking eyes on the trunk of a distant tree. After a few minutes of staring at the tree suddenly every falling leaf in my range of vision could be seen falling at once. One day I saw something other than leaves move. It was a bobcat who was watching me from a boulder. We sat looking at each other for a few minutes before she disappeared into the thick forest. That night I dreamed I woke inside a tree, the wood incasing me. It was warm and comfortable and I could hear the sap moving around me inside a soft steady heartbeat. On the full moon my dear friend Elizabeth Kirwin communicated through crystals and the moon with me. She also knew and loved Mark and had dinner with us the night he gave me the crystal and left for Tennessee. It was an amazing experience meditating through crystals and moonlight with my friend who was hundreds of miles away. Since his murder I had a movie in my head, one that I played over and over on a loop. I was in a courtroom where the murderers were standing trial and I was angry looking at them, angry at the police in the room, angry with everyone who said Mark’s death was a suicide no matter how ridiculous and impossible the idea of his death being a suicide had seemed. The most unexpected thing happened after several weeks of my crystal meditation. The angry courtroom fantasy film in my head vanished, it suddenly stopped, and it was such a relief to no longer vent anger toward anonymous, faceless people the police refused to track down. From 1988 to 1998 I was macrobiotic, but when Mark was murdered in 1998 I stopped taking care of myself. I was still a vegetarian, but a very unhealthy one. My low-grade depression was lifting and I was happier and have since returned to being vegan and feeling healthier, slowly returning to my love for this world. All my notes during this (Soma)tic poetry ritual became a poem titled Sharking of the Birdcage. I am grateful to everyone around me who continue to help me heal with them. p.s. Belinda Schmid, David Welch, this is dedicated to the both of you. WITH LOVE
Posted on: Sun, 21 Dec 2014 19:14:37 +0000