An open letter to the Department of Education, Accreditation Board, And to whomever it may concern/apply to. -Dear everyone applicable to the qualifications above, I would like to present my dissertation...(Not quite sure what that IS, but I know you have to have a theory and defend it, so here it goes). I propose that anyone who has met the minimum life experience of at least 4 years of bar-tending AND at least 20 years of being a #Cubs fan should automatically be awarded a Bachelors degree in Psychology with the option of a Masters degree with additional one year of schooling or a Doctorate with an additional two years of schooling. You may be asking yourself, Why would you be qualified to be a Psychologist Joe?, well imaginary person reading this post asking that question out loud; heres why--The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again the same way and expecting a different outcome. As die hard Cubs fans, Im pretty sure the last time we won a World Series was before Websters came up with the definition of insanity, Webster was like, Wow these Cub fans have faith every year, thats insane! And now you know (and knowing is half the battle). On the other end if you voluntarily sit behind a bar and listen to someone complain about how their life is falling apart because they cant stop drinking, WHILE POURING THEM ANOTHER DRINK, and expecting at least an 18% tip is CLEARLY insane. In conclusion, as with in mathematics, two negatives multiplied together yields a positive answer; Two voluntary insane actions yields a positive person, THUS giving you the perfect Psychologist. Love Dr. Joe. PS. I feel like I earned the Dr. prefix so please call me Dr. Joe from now on. If you want me to provide proof in the form of a Diploma...Ill be happy to print one out for you with the school that most impresses you...its easy. Also, yes, I am the first person in the history of dissertations to use a hashtag in my dissertation, #History, #First, #dissertation #Bartender #GoCubsGo #MLB Why Bartenders and Servers Hate People. (seriously I bet I am, even though this is clearly NOT a dissertation.) PPS (PPSS?) if you read through this whole thing, first, thank you for letting me waist 2 min of your life (Im basing that on how long it takes me to read this) and two, youre just as insane as I am so your first 1 hour session is free...(Min 5 sessions $100 a session) :) (if you like this you qualify for the free 1 hour session). Since the only Doctors I know are Talea, correction Dr. Lashea, and Tresa(Soon to be), Im tagging them in it, if all I get from her or any one of my friends is a lol than I have done my job! (but you have to actually L OUT LOUD...seriously, dont be That Guy) Thanks again for reading the longest thing I have ever written ever, Love, Dr. Joe
Posted on: Fri, 04 Apr 2014 23:11:04 +0000
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