As I crawl upon 50 and ponder my last 50 years and where I am today, I immediately feel a sense of failure.....not exactly where I saw my self at 50. A single mom, failed relationships, a body that has gone through more than any 49 yr old body should have gone through, still struggling to get back to healthy and societally attractive. I know, poor me.....right! I refuse to enter 50 feeling like a failure! Sure, Im a single mom. A single mom of a beautiful, intelligent, gifted, loving daughter, Nicole Claire Carson. I have a family that loves me, Cathy Oman. I have amazing friends, most of whom truly supported me through these last few years of being in and out of the hospital. I worked hard to put myself through college (my dad felt I wasnt smart enough to go to college, so I busted my butt and graduated cum laude from Univ. of the Pacific). Ive had many amazing jobs, was privileged to travel the State and provide training to every county mental health department throughout California. I have a wonderful job now, fabulous co-workers who feel more like family, Cyndie Cook, Pamela Palazzotto Dela Torre, Liz Garcia, Stacey Tupper, Susan Gore and many more. My boss truly inspires me, makes me feel like I matter (he is so protective and supportive with all his staff) and never gave up on me. I live in a beautiful house in such a beautiful safe neighborhood (never imagined living in such a beautiful place on my own). My landlords stuck with me the few months I had no income as I waited for disability to kick in. So I dont have the body Id like to have right now, but Im alive. I should have died twice, back when I was 23, and this last May. But Im here. I get to turn 50 with a heart as big as a full moon :) I have the love of my God whom continues to provide abundantly for my family. I have a feeling He has big beautiful plans for me, and Im receptive and ready! No more isolating in shame. Ready to live big, enjoy my days, laugh more and have lots of fun. 50....bring it!!❤️🎉❤️
Posted on: Sat, 29 Mar 2014 20:11:20 +0000
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