Asalamualikum wa Rehmatullahi wa Barakatuhu The mother’s rights over her daughter are great but the husband’s rights over his wife are greater The mother’s status in sharee’ah cannot be denied. Allaah has enjoined that her children should honour her, and He has forbidden them to disobey her; He has ruled that the mother is the most entitled of people to one’s good company, as it says in the well-known hadeeth, when a man said: O Messenger of Allaah, which of the people is most deserving of my good companionship? He said: “Your mother, then your mother, then your mother, then your father, then the next closest and the next closest.” Narrated by Muslim (2548). The status and rights of the mother do not supersede the rights of the husband, rather the husband’s rights are greater and take precedence over your mother’s rights. Your obedience to him takes precedence over your obedience to her, and the wise wife strives to please her husband by doing what he wants so long as it is not contrary to sharee’ah, and she strives to honour her mother in ways that do not go against her husband’s commands. If there is a conflict of interest, then she should put her husband’s commands and wishes first. Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allaah have mercy on him) was asked about a woman who got married, and was no longer under her parents’ care. Which is better – honouring her parents or obeying her husband? He replied: When a woman gets married, her husband has more authority over her than her parents, and obeying her husband is more obligatory for her. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient (to Allaah and to their husbands), and guard in the husband’s absence what Allaah orders them to guard (e.g. their chastity and their husband’s property)” [al-Nisa’ 4:34]. And in a hadeeth the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “This world is temporary conveniences and the best of its comforts is a believing wife, who when you look at her she pleases you and if you tell her to do something she obeys you, and if you are away from her she protects you with regard to herself and your wealth.”. In Saheeh Abi Haatim it is narrated that Abu Hurayrah said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If a woman offers her five (daily prayers) and fasts her month and guards her chastity and obeys her husband, she will enter Paradise from whichever of its gates she wants.” In al-Tirmidhi it is narrated that Umm Salamah (may Allaah be pleased with her) said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: Any woman who dies when her husband is pleased with her, will enter Paradise.” This was narrated by al-Tirmidhi, who said it is a hasan hadeeth. It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said Just as you are not obliged to take care of any of your siblings because of your commitment of your husband and the requirement that he should first agree to that, the same applies to your visiting your mother with your children. This is not permissible except with the consent of your husband, and you have done well to refuse your mother’s request. With regard to limiting the number of your mother’s visits to you, this is something that is also up to your husband, and you can work it out with him. The husband has the right to prevent anyone who he thinks is a trouble-maker from entering his house, even if they are your family. As you are in agreement and you have a good relationship, then the matter is simple. All you have to do is agree on a specific number and time for her visits, and stipulate that to her. Your husband has every right to do this; indeed we think that if he stops her altogether he will be doing the right thing, but there is the hope that if her visits are restricted to only a few, and do not affect your family’s happiness, then there is no reason why they should be prevented, and there is nothing wrong with tolerating them. Determining the limit is up to you and you should consult one another and come to some agreement. Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: “And not allow into your houses anyone whom you dislike” means, they (wives) should not allow anyone to enter the house if you (the husband) do not want him or her to enter, even if it is her mother or her father. It is not permissible for her to let her mother, father, sister, brother, paternal uncle, maternal uncle, paternal aunt or maternal aunt into her husband’s house, if he objects to that. Attention is drawn to this because some women – Allaah forbid – are bad even to their daughters. If they see that the daughters are settled and happy with their husbands, they become jealous – Allaah forbid – even though they are mothers, and they try to spoil things between the daughter and her husband. So the husband has the right to stop such a mother from entering his house, and he has the right to say to his wife: She should not enter my house. He has the right to prevent her according to sharee’ah, and he has the right to prevent his wife from going to see her, because she is namaamah (one who spreads malicious gossip) and a troublemaker. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No spreader of malicious gossip will enter Paradise.” End quote. Sharh Riyaadh al-Saaliheen (2/91, hadeeth no. 276),
Posted on: Tue, 18 Mar 2014 05:38:00 +0000
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