BELOW IS A SUPER LONG RANT with some special instructions. It IS long (as is everything I write). Your part is all the way at the bottom. Feel free to read and respond, or read and not respond...or not read and not respond. Grab a cold cola and enjoy! ______________________________________________________ BACKSTORY As some of you know, I was gone for about seven weeks overseas teaching, and working and came home, only to leave south to teach again for twelve more days, after spending only five days home. Well…once I was down south I realized, I could probably drive our van home after my class ended on Sunday, spend three nights with my family, and then go back down to southern California Thursday morning to teach my second class…it wouldn’t be a lot of time home, and a ton of driving, but any family time is better than none. So the resulting rant comes on the heels of me trying to get home to my family last night. RANT BEGINS I’m not a fan of the CHP this morning. (If you’re reading this in a different state, you can just use your state’s first initial + HP instead I’m sure it’s all similar), and yes this rant is because of the speeding ticket I got from an officer last night south of Bridgeport, Ca. I’m super non confrontational, so I spent zero effort arguing my case with the CHP officer…in fact I was uber-polite and called him “sir”, and “officer” often, and in calm soothing tones as to be super non-threatening. Of course, post-ticket, I did a LOT of thinking…and here’s what I came up with after five more hours in the car. CHP are not really doing their job…entirely. I know CHP officers, lots of them…and they are mostly outstanding human-people…but I think some stuff has gotten a little out of hand. Maybe I’m wrong, but I see the CHPs job as keeping the roadways safe for people. That safety includes chores like; busting drug runners, keeping crashes minimalized, cleaning up messes made by crashes, making sure people don’t run over Cal-Trans workers, keeping liquored up clowns from running over babies, etc. I get it. They do other things too. They need to keep people from driving bat-crap-willy-nilly crazy all over the roads. I ALSO get that sometimes they need to cite people who step out of line. BUT I think if safety, SAFE-TY, S-A-F-E-T-Y is the MAIN goal…then sometimes a citation, actually makes things LESS safe. Firs off, if safety was goal one, WHY would you hide on the BOTTOM of the hill to check for speed…when you know that’s where cars will be going slightly faster…due to science type stuff (inertia and what not). IF safety is the goal, wouldn’t the TOP of the f***** hill be MORE safe? “Hey fella, big ass hill is comin’ might slow ‘er down a smidge there buddy. Safety first!” I was going 70 to maybe73mph in a 65 zone prior to the hill, but the hill, and the large van pushed it to 83 by the time officer sneaky found me at the bottom of said hill. This means, he was not really looking for safety, but for a ticket to write. Or else, WHY stay at the bottom? Then, if the ticket is the WHOLE purpose of our meeting…WHY the need for all these stupid questions? The first one, we can just totally eliminate. “How are you doing tonight?” “Uhm, super amazing. Thank you so much for asking. COULD. NOT. BE. BETTER.” Said nobody EVER. YOU PULLED ME OVER AND SCARED ME…you know how I’m doing- really, REALLY SH***Y. For the record, I said, “Fine.” Which was a total lie. “What’s the Aperture Academy?” (If you’re going to ticket me, why do we need to small talk?) It says photography workshops on the SIDE OF THE VAN! “Uhm, We deliver muffins and bread to starving armless children in the high desert. Tomorrow is peachy crumble day!” “Do you know why I pulled you over?” “You have a question about high ISO performance on the 5D MKII?” There is no right answer to this, is there? If I say, “Yes….” You’re going to tell me again why you did. If I say, “No” you’re going to tell me anyway. Why even ask? Then the officer answers before I really can answer the question…and follows it up with another question he doesn’t want me to answer. “I pulled you over because of your speed…do you know how fast you were going?” OBVIOUSLY OVER whatever was required, or we wouldn’t be HAVING this conversation. Have they EVER pulled someone over to say, “NO! You were going EXACTLY the right speed, and I just wanted to tell you that is really, REALLY tough to do so exactly like that. You are an EXCELLENT driver. Stay fabulous!” The next question was, “Did you see me sitting there at the bottom of the hill?” “Uh yes, I sure did and decided, y’know WHAT, F-it, I’m gonna see if I could catch you napping.” Of COURSE I did NOT see you, or I would have rode the brakes all the way down the hill like a moron. Did you smell brakes or SEE flame red brake lights illuminating the hillside? YOU DID NOT, because I did NOT SEE YOU. The final question was a mind bender…”Do you have any speeding citations in the last two years?” I said no, which is TRUE…my last ticket of any kind was in 2002, and THAT means I’m a good driver. BUT…What is the RIGHT answer? If I say YES, do they feel sorry for me and NOT give me the ticket because I can’t just traffic school it away? If I say NO, do the officers just think, “Ah…no biggie, he hasn’t had a ticket for a while, he’s due, he’ll take traffic school it will go away, and then it’s like it never happened…not a huge deal.” Because if THAT is the logic, then why not just making assumptions and give me a warning, and save me $350 or so, Because, it IS a HUGE DEAL TO ME! After the ridiculous questions, comes the exchange of paperwork, and then the millennium of time waiting for him to scrawl out the tickets…but when they retreat to the car, they won’t just SAY they are writing the tickets, they just leave you there to wonder if MAYBE SOMEHOW they will be decent and let you off with a warning (I’ll discuss the merit of this in a bit) But after twenty minutes of waiting, you pretty much KNOW there will be NO warning. When the officer returns then you get the explanation of the ticket, and the safety lecture. “I really need you to slow down, because there are deer EVERYWHERE around here, and we’ve had three deer related accidents already tonight. There’s a dead deer right around the corner from an earlier accident.” (note: he was right, there was a dead deer on the roadside….looked recent. BUT one LESS deer to have me run into…all the MORE safe) OK…now here’s where safety AGAIN takes the backseat; If you want myself or ANY driver to be safer give them a warning, with a good lecture, NOT A BIG FINANCIAL HIT in an economic downturn! I promise you if you give a warning, your point WILL be taken and we the driver WILL be thankful for the compassion, and as a result drive better, thrilled with our second chance. This really happens. Nobody gets that warning, and turns right around and goes “SUCKER!” and drives the same speed again. They drive BETTER…safety accomplished! You give me a ticket, and tell me to be safe…you know where my mind is? NOT ON THE ROAD WATCHING FOR DEER, BIGFEET, CHUPACABRAS, or DRUG MULES! My mind is super ANGRY, thinking about how stupid and ridiculous the ticket was, and how I’m not going to be able to afford to pay it, and how BAD that sucked, and maybe I should’ve NOT come home to see my family, and all the reasons WHY my night now sucks…I can assure you I am NOT watching for DEER, or BIGFEET, or ANYTHING with feet that will run in front of my car, as is evident by the 307 mice I probably hit during the remainder of my drive home. I also was spending more time watching my speedometer, which is also NOT THE ROAD. Your job is to leave the streets safer, and you let loose a speedometer watching angry man who spent the next FIVE HOURS super mad, and driving 64 miles an hour, possibly looking for a deer to run over out of pure spite. NEWS FLASH! If I hit a deer at 65mph or at 83mph, bad things are going to happen FOR THE DEER…and maybe me. I understand things like impacts get more serious withy higher speeds. Might wanna tell the stupid deer, Mr. wildlife! They are the dummies running INTO THE ROAD…I’m not driving into the trees looking for THEM. Before I got pulled over, I was actually using the bright headlights and scanning the road a lot for deer, and such…because I’m not an idiot, and I know that hitting a deer is a possibility…and being totally involved in the driving process is much safer. AFTER the ticket, well…THIS RANT was what I was thinking about. Conclusion: Tickets with financial repercussions are sometimes necessary. If I am rolling through a school zone at 60mph during the morning rush, I’m more than a little out of hand and some financial penalty is probably in order. If I’m sliding down a one lane road at 105mph, I’m a little ridiculous…and probably intended on breaking the century mark. Hitting a smidge over 80mph on a LONG downhill in a heavier vehicle, probably means I was about 70mph at the top of the hill, and why not see if I will return to reasonable speeds once the road flattens out at the bottom. My thinking now is that it’s about MONEY and not SAFETY. If that is the case could we PLEASE just be up front about it when you pull me over. “Hi sir. We need money. I’m going to get it from you. You were going 83 in a 65. I KNEW you’d be going 10-15 miles faster at the bottom of that hill…everyone does, which is EXACTLY why I hid at the bottom of it and waited. Let me see your license, and I’m going to write you a ridiculously expensive ticket that will bring us some much needed funding. I mean, if you MUST KNOW, it’s just about money really, because a simple warning would’ve gotten the intended result across and you would’ve had a much better evening…and what kind of HUMAN would I BE to WANT to ruin someone’s night, right? I mean, giving you a warning instead of a ticket…you’d drive slower, feel relieved you didn’t lose a lot of hard earned money, and I go home feeling better because I made the roads safer, which, after all IS my job, and also…I didn’t ruin someone’s week, which would hurt my downy soft conscious. Win-Win.” TAKE AWAY: It’s not about safety people...it’s about money. Drive safe out there. END OPTION: First, off like I said, I’m a pretty good driver all things considered, my plan last night was to keep the car as close to 70mph if possible during the 65mph zones to make total drive time about six to six and a half hours long. Speed limit was 65…so yes, I did plan on speeding by 5 miles an hour. So the option for you; if you enjoyed my rant…and feel it brought you some comedic value, or what have you and would like to contribute to the ‘help pay my stupid ticket fund’ then you could donate a buck or three to my Paypal account and I’ll pay the ticket, and traffic school…and my week won’t be ruined. (Paypal: brian@brianruebphotography) ALSO to show my gratitude, if the goal is reached, and I can pay for my ticket, and traffic school. Every dollar you donate will become a raffle ticket in a drawing to win a matted 10x15 print (final piece 16x20) of YOUR choosing…if we go over the goal, the size of the print given away will increase. I figure the ticket and traffic school will be about $350 total… We hit $500 for some odd reason BOOM a print in the 18x24 range! We hit $600 or more for some odder reason BOOOOOM 20x30 print And…don’t look at it as you’re endorsing speeding, (or if you’re a rebel, DO look at it that way, I won’t judge)…look at it as you’re endorsing one or more of the following; a) Me spending time with my family b) Me writing something that made you laugh c) CHP funding d) A chance to win a matted print to hang in your home or office. If you like, share, or just enjoy it free of cost. I appreciate your time.
Posted on: Mon, 29 Jul 2013 21:04:12 +0000
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